150+ Hilarious Funny Facebook Status Updates!!

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Funny Facebook statuses are a great way to brighten up your social networking profile page. If you are looking for Facebook Status then your search ends here, you have landed on the right page. This article is all about very funny Facebook status messages that have been written by real people. You will find here all Funniest Facebook Status, just read the full collection of the funny facebook statuses.

Funny facebook status

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  • I know the world isn’t going 2 end in 2012 cuz my yogurt expires in 2013!
  • I like to name my ipod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.
  • Whats the difference between Justin Bieber And a Snickers bar? A snIckers bar has nuts.
  • Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like
  • Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
  • I love it when my computer says ” are you sure you want to continue unprotected “
  • Roses are redish, Violets are blueish, if it weren’t for Christmas, we would all be Jewish!
  • When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
  • One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
  • decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
  • I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
  • sometimes, not remembering mey be the better.
  • X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
  • X is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while.
  • X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house.
  • What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing..
  • slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
  • wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
  • X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
  • People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe i’m moving in circles..
  • Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
  • WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.
  • ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
  • Dear Santa, let me explain…
  • I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
  • My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
  • If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.
  • Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
  • Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
  • Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
  • Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
  • ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶
  • _̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡
  • if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP
  • scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.
  • ̿̿̿ ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ this is a stick-up… give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
  • Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
  • The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
  • Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced.
  • i’ve yet to meet a woman who got pregnant from swallowing.
  • Cut here —————–✄———————-
  • Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
  • I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
  • People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
  • Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
  • Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
  • Best Friends Listen to what you dont say.
  • Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
  • So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
  • X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
  • Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
  • You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
  • Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
  • I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
  • Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
  • I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?
  • X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
  • Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!
  • what has two ears and cant hear? —————–.> GRANDPA
  • I’m not a racer….But i can fly.
  • press the star below and watch it glow :)
  • ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ click star then up arrow to left to reveal status.
  • I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
  • Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.
  • X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome..
  • Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
  • I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
  • X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
  • X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
  • ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
  • Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
  • oh I’m sorry! i didn’t realise you were giving me a dirty look…i just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!
  • wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
  • X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
  • Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
  • If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
  • eat eat and eat….but don’t eat my brain.
  • I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
  • a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?
  • ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
  • All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.
  • too cool for school.
  • trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
  • the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
  • –^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.
  • definitely not watching what not to wear.
  • forcing my dog to learn how to google.
  • kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
  • Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
  • X is Loading ████████████ 99%
  • Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
  • U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown.
  • X went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
  • Hi, my name is Damimeve. The ‘mime’ is silent.
  • I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares.
  • In an interview, “I can multitask housework with facebook!”
  • X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
  • never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
  • a day late and a dollar short.
  • Insert coin to view my status message.
  • If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
  • We have so much in common. You want to travel,I want you to go .
  • happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
  • seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
  • remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
  • > $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you home.
  • 20/20 hearing!

Boy: So, sex at my place?
Girl: Yah!
Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we’re making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder.
Girl: OK?
~Later~
…Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE!
Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!

why do we need school???
music~we have YouTube for that.
Spanish ~i watch Dora.
English ~everything is shortened anyway (brb,idk,lol).
geography~i will buy a globe.
history~they are all dead anyway.
math~that is why we have the calculator.
spelling~we have spell check on the computer.

  • People make the world go around but at some point don’t you wish it were flat so all the idiots would keep walking and never come back?
  • NEVER trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.
  • I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?”

“how do you spell gay?”
“g.a.y?”
“noooo! j.u.s.t.i.n b.i.e.b.e.r!” (;

  • what’s the difference between puberty & a water bottle? a water bottle hit Justin Bieber first! (;
  • Going to McDonalds for salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
  • Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think …its a Teabag xD
  • Mrs. Bin Laden just updated her Facebook status to single.
  • Sometimes your Knight in shinning armour is just an idiot wrapped in tinfoil.
  • We guys have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see us without an erection, make us a sandwich ! :)

Me and my mom were shopping for new Cd’s and she asked me..
Mom: honey, Who’s your favorite artist?
Me: Eminem
Mom: The candy?
Me: no the rapper
Mom:What’s so special good about Candy Wrappers?

  • If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrehea…does that mean one person enjoys it?
  • status: I can’t log into facebook :(
  • A bug just landed on my computer screen and my first reaction was on try and scare it away with the curser

*BLOND GOES TO THE DOCTOR TO FIND OUT IF SHE IS PREGNANT*
Doctor: your pregnant
Blond: *smiles* :)
Doctor: your having twins
Blond: *crys*
Doctor: is’ant that good?
Blond: i dont know who the father is for the other baby
Doctor: LUCKY IM A BRUNETTE !!!!!!!

  • Did you know in Japan girls keep their phones on vibrate and put them down their crotch? Don’t feel bad if they don’t answer. It means they’re busy ;) All i want to know is, where can i get a number? ;)
  • Your make-up looks so pretty:) lol jk it looks like a crayola raped your face!!!
  • My friends status said, “standing on the edge of a cliff :/”…so i poked him.
  • Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself “Dude, that’s the sperm that won???”
  • Sometimes i fill up my blow up doll with helium so its playing hard to get.
  • i know three facts about you, one you can’t say M without your lips touching, two your trying it now and you look like an idiot alien, three now your smiling

Guy: Did It Hurt?
Chick: Did What Hurt?
Guy: When you fell from…
Chick: Heaven Awww :’)
Guy: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down!!
Chick: ……….
Guy: Hahaha BITCH!!

  • Sorry, Ke$ha the party dont stop till I walk in.
  • honk if you love Jesus Textwhile driving if you want to meet him.
  • Last Night I Dreamt I was Eating A Giant Marshmallow……..When I Woke Up My Pillow Was Gone.
  • How much coke has Charlie Sheen done?……………enough to kill 2 1/2 men….
  • I love how justin bieber can hit high notes but not puberty!
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours, belongs in the zoo, don’t be mad, i’ll be there, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
  • Relationships are like Tom & Jerry: They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can’t live without each other.
  • I WISH i could be a status, so you could LIKE me .
  • I tried to log on to Facebook. It said, “Cookies are required to operate.” I thought to myself, “Me too, Facebook. Me too.”

Justin bieber: DAD DAD i just had sex
Justin biebers dad: REALY!!!1 THATS SOO AWESOME SON
Justin bieber: i just have one question
J B’s dad: Whats that?
Justin bieber: when will my arse stop hurting
J B;s dad: -.- …

  • A divorced man walks over to his ex-wifes new hubby n asked…so how does it feel enjoying 2nd hand goods?..Doesn’t bother me,he responds..actually once u get past the 1st 3 inches, the rest is all brand new.
  • I wonder what will happen if Steve Jobs dies…. His tombstone may read – iDead…
  • Got into a fight with my alarm clock this morning it wanted me to wake up i disagreed now the alarms broken and im wide awake…not sure who won.
  • I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you.
  • A kid got bad marks in his test, he showed his test to his mom. His mom said ” what is this”? He answered teachers star stickers were finished so she gave me a full moon!!!
  • Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone who needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who deserves a punch in the face, except for a punch in the face. But we can still raise awareness!
  • One day a chicken croxed the road and met james bond and said whats your name?? ….bond james bond… whats yours??..ken chick ken!
  • Behind every great woman is a man looking at her ass!
  • I’d rather Cry over cuts & stitches. not sluts & bitches !
  • Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
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1,129 Comments

  1. wow some of you people need to get a sense of humor…. most of this is funny, especially about that little shit Justin Bieber, that kid is a joke, his music SUCKS ASS…. he needs to go to jail for a little while and play with the big boys there, they will put the little shit in his place, LOL…for those of you that probably didn’t find any of these funny, your probably single because you lead a very sad life, you have probably never cracked a smile… this is some funny ass shit….

  2. “What has two ears and can’t hear? Grandpa.” Hahahahaha!!!! I laugh a lot to this joke because i’m thinking of my late grandpa

  3. Good one about the sandwiches.
    CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE…..
    STOP YOU’RE GETTING MAYO ALL OVER THE BED :)

  4. Felicia Mathis on

    When I have kids I’m going to make them watch the movie “2012” and tell them I survived that.

  5. Another good one I’ve seen: “The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks I’m the only one who can prevent forest fires. I mean, I don’t feel trained for this and I don’t remember even signing up for the position.”

  6. Tell you like the Bathtub told the Toilet stool,I get as much Ass as you,but I dont have to take all of that shit…lol..

  7. Tell you like the Bathtub told the Toilet stool,I get as much ass as you,but I dont have to put up with all of that shit…lol..

  8. My favorite one was about eating the giant marshmallow, and waking up to find your pillow gone.

  9. Spot on with this write-up, I truly think this site
    needs a lot more attention. I’ll probably be returning to see more, thanks for the info!

  10. Kingsley Charles on

    Oh oh oh i have 1, Steve Jobs’s Wife just updated her facebook status to iSingle…lol

  11. The one about the Snickers bar and Justin Bieber isn’t funny. Of course he has a male anatomy, he is a male :)

  12. lol,
    lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololooololololllololololololololol

  13. A stupid man tells a girl to shut up. A smart man tells a girl she looks preety when her mouth is closed.

    That awkward moment when Pinocchio and Voldemort meet.

    Who ever says words can’t hurt you has never got hit in the face with a dictionary!

  14. Well, the last one was funny. Other than that, they were all immature and you obviously cannot spell for shit.

  15. When life gives you lemons on

    Brooo’skiii’sss thiss shitt,wasnt even close to funny norr KOOOOO lolololol. Thenn its was like i wasted 10mins reading this lololol ?!??? Justkidding these aree funnyyyy AF like legit lololol-sheila-•

  16. hotshit101bitches on

    that shit made me and my boyfriend laugh we love having sex and reading this shit

  17. Surajthegreatkhali on

     ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆ ░░░█▀█░█▀▄░█▀▄░░░░█▀▄▀█░█▀▀░░░█░
    ░░░█▀█░█░█░█░█░░░░█░░░█░█▀░░░░▀░ ░░░█░█░█▄▀░█▄▀░░░░█░░░█░█▄▄░░░▄░
    ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

  18. ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆ ░░░█▀█░█▀▄░█▀▄░░░░█▀▄▀█░█▀▀░░░█░ ░░░█▀█░█░█░█░█░░░░█░░░█░█▀░░░░▀░ ░░░█░█░█▄▀░█▄▀░░░░█░░░█░█▄▄░░░▄░ ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

  19. it takes 1 1/2 hour reading all of this!! is soo funny i cant concentrate here doing my job!! hahaha lol!! like dis page!! hehe

  20. Justinsmith@live.com on

    so u are the hoe that told the how that i am a hoe well lesson hoe it takes a hoe 2 know a hoe hoe !!

  21. My friends status said, “standing on the edge of a cliff :/”…so i poked him.

  22. Try putting this on your status if you want your friends to get a laugh.

    Dear Pfizer. Thank you very much for being so concerned that you warn us at the end of every Viagra commercial , but, I have already compiled a list of people I will call if I have an erection that last more than 4 hours, however my Dr. did not make the list!

  23. 4,765,963 people got married last year….Shouldn’t that be and even number?
     

  24. Can I get 69 likes on this. Sorry, I just need something to match my full-time job. :-)

  25. I had my friends phone the other day, I changed my contact name to GOD. so whenever I called her phone, it said…’GOD is calling’

  26. sometimes late at night, when everyone else is sleeping. I fill my bath with tomato sauce, submerge myself completely, pretending i’m a meatball

  27. ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆ ░░░█▀█░█▀▄░█▀▄░░░░█▀▄▀█░█▀▀░░░█░ ░░░█▀█░█░█░█░█░░░░█░░░█░█▀░░░░▀░ ░░░█░█░█▄▀░█▄▀░░░░█░░░█░█▄▄░░░▄░ ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

  28. I just spent like an hour and a half reading all these.. & my grandma was watching tv & got mad cuz i just HAD to read all them to her during her movieee. haha. :)

  29. Katrinacasillas29 on

    Eww wtf who would say tat

    loke ugh what if there is younger people reading thiz

  30. The cost of a Princess dinner at Disney is the equivalent of an hour in Champagne room. What would you choose?

  31. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

  32. Justycegurule on

    A man asked a fairy to make him desirable and irresistable to all women. So she turned him into a credit card.

  33. a guy walks past his bosses office and heard him say” up and down ohh you fell so good” guy thinks he must do something to stop this so he barges in ready to yell at his boss only to realise  he was playing with his new office chair

  34. Alisha Lovell on

    some gud…. but soo not the Justin Bieber’s ones… have some respect guys… but he kinda luk gay though but dnt put him down so low… have a heart…

  35. Melanie-Jordan on

    I hate the JUSTIN BIEBER one’s ’cause it’s really mean to US BELIEBER’S it get’s old after while. Make fun of someone you know personally not someone who’s famous and you have never met. I have met Justin and he is the nicest, sweetest and most down to earth guy I have ever met in my life! His family are lucky to have him and so are his friends. I wish I knew him before fame ’cause I would have loved to be his friend. I love Justin Bieber with all my heart and there’s nothing people can say that will change my mind about him. I have loved him since the first YouTube video and will continue to love him forever after his last video (not that, that will EVER happen!!!)

  36. ThereMightHaveBeenATimeWhenIDidn'tGiveDamn on

    Some are funny but some are kinda offensive. I really don’t like the ones that make fun of Justin Beiber. I don’t really like his music, but it’s mean to make fun of him.

  37. David tennants mum on

    AAABLAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!
    I EATED YOUR BABEEZ!!!
    AAABLAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!

  38. Your a douche bagg on

    These are really………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………lame -_-

  39. Hello just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same outcome.

  40. These stautsa are good because i put them as my stayts in5 seconds 7 likes wooppwoopp BUZZIN but some and shockingly bad:)

  41. a preist and a buddist are making toast when the priest shouts theres an image of jesus on my toast then the buddist shout i cant belevie its not buddah lol <3

  42. Twinkle Twinkle Little Whore This is School Not Jersey Shore So Take Off All Those Slutty Clothes Dress Like Normal Not Like Hoes …….. I say this all the time at school ……….. and lol I LOVE Jersey Shore

  43. The mighty hercules on

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH yes my fellow peasants i see you have taken somethings from me, im proud to call you all my people. Now wheres my bitch carlos to rub my toes…with ketchup

  44. who is up for the ultimate dare of walking around a water park with a four hour erection for the whole day?

  45. -you dnt kneed to kno- on

    heheheheheheheh!!!!very fonny ppl!;D i like..very much..
    MARIO::an italian plumer, who was made by japanese people,who speaks english, but look like a mexican>;P

  46. Don’t go down there.
    ╬═╬
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    ╬═
    ╬═╬
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    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬I’m telling you- don’t go.
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
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    ╬═╬Are you listening to me? Don’t!
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    ╬═╬Hellooo… don’t go.
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    ╬═╬You… you don’t go.
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    ╬═╬You’re still not listening to me.
    ╬═╬
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    ╬═╬I can’t talk to you anymore.
    ╬═╬
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    ╬═╬You listen to me… don’t go down there!
    ╬═╬
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    ╬═╬Can’t you just listen to me?
    ╬═╬
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    ╬═╬Okay, you are starting to drive me crazy…
    ╬═╬
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    ╬═╬ You are!
    ╬═╬
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    ╬═╬ Are you bored yet?
    ╬═╬
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    ╬═╬Last chance… don’t go down there.
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  47. why do we need school???
    music~we have YouTube for that.
    Spanish ~i watch Dora.
    English ~everything is shortened anyway (brb,idk,lol).
    geography~i will buy a globe.
    history~they are all dead anyway.
    math~that is why we have the calculator.
    spelling~we have spell check on the computer.

  48. omg guess what?!
    i got a job…
    at a mental hospital but they said i need 24hrs with a mental retard want to come ova i hav crayons ;D

  49. two sisters owned a farm one blonde one brunette
    BRUNETTE: we need to go buy a bull. I will go into town and buy the bull then ill send a telegram so you can come help me bring it back.
    —–so brunette goes into town———-
    BRUNETTE: how much is it to buy the bull?
    BULL LADY: $50 cheapest price you will find
    BRUNETTE: I only have that much but ok
    —–brunette buys the bull———
    BRUNETTE: how much is it to send a telegram?
    SHOP LADY: $5
    BRUNETTE: oh but i dont have any money
    SHOP LADY: ok i will let you send one word for free what do you want to send?
    BRUNETTE: send the word comfortable
    SHOP LADY: Why comfortable?
    BRUNETTE: Because my sisters a blonde and she will read it as come-for-the-bull

  50. Statistics say that 1 in 4 people are insane, so take a look at your 3 best friends and if they are all OK, its you!

  51. lmfao,this joke has stuck with me for years….
    there was once a blond fed up with everyones shit, so she decided to hang herself, the next day two guys saw her hanging by her wrists…
    guys: what r u doing?
    blond:hanging myself
    guys: ur supposed to put it around your neck
    blond: duh i tried that, i couldn’t breath

  52. ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶_̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP

  53. bitches r da reasons y jusstin bieber dosent hit purberdy b/c he suk balls play wit balls but dnt hav dem but wat about his penis do he hav dat or duz he hav a fake PUSSY 2 finger every day wen he goes on tour

  54. You whats funny? Obamas ears ladis think he’s cute ahahah okay, i think he’s not it’s coZ HE’S 50 AND FIT THATS ALL I MEAN HE CAN FUCKING DO IT admite it bitch lol

  55. lol
    very funny
    add those also
    In life, it’s not who you know that’s important, it’s how your wife found out.

    ***
    A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

  56. blaha ramondon on

    yo yo yo. best joke evar:

    hey guys i have a cool status i wanna share with u. kk? all you have 2 do is click the see more button. (type in below @seemore and click the first link that pops up. troll ;D0
    blah Losers

  57. ‎9966699999966699999966699966669996699999996699666996699 9966999999996999999996666996699666699666996699666996699 9966699999999999999966666699996666699666996699666996699 9966666999999999999666666669966666699666996699666996699 9966666669999999966666666669966666699666996699666996699 9966666666699996666666666669966666699666996699666996666­ 996666666666996666666666666996666669999999669999…9996699

    1) Highlight The Numbers
    2) Press Ctrl and F
    3) Press 9 & see what’s highlighted (:

  58. Seriously? This message isn’t loading. So you can’t see what I think of all this. Too bad.

    Loading ████████████ 99%………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Ha! you just wasted 10 seconds of your life just to wait for the words u r reading to load. Wow. ur smart. lol! funny jokes. u still wasted 10 seconds.

  59. babysugarrubabooty on

    a blond nd brunet are wlk nd the brunet says look a dead bird the blond looks up and says where where…smh :/

  60. JUST BECAUSE I LIKE YOUR STATUS DOSE NOT MEAN ITS AN INVATATION TO TLK… IF I WANTED TO TLK ALL NIGHT WITH YOUR CRAZY ASS ID MESSAGE YOU FIRST lol

  61. OMG, I am reading through this page and i just cannot stop laughing! i literally now have stitches on my sides! LOL! :D

  62. Girls keep saying ‘all men r dogs’
    In reply to them, i keep saying ‘yes, we are. U bitches..!!!’

  63. “to a guy your like a game , there so into you, then the play you like the games over .”

  64. the other day i wise man said, why are you fat?
    i said you arent very wise if you dont know the answer to that, its obviously because i eat alot.
    wise man says ” oh yeah sorry. “

  65. iTzMeOnFacebook on

    Boy: Its Over….
    Girl: What?? WTF did i dooo??? It dont matter i already slept with 3 of your friendss!
    Boy: I Was Talking About The Movie.
    Girl: ……….
    Boy: BITCHHHH.

  66. If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence… Your answer should always be, Please don’t hit me again officer…

  67. shawdie on'top on

    it was stupid to make jokes about justin bieber..but the rest was funny and maybe steve died after he seen this!(im definetly using some of these on facebook!

  68. nolifebuthappy on

    I just LOL’d at “iReckon”
    ps. the iDead was quite funny despite the actual passing of Steve Jobs :)

  69. Nanananananana on

    K……..myb lyk 5 out all of em wer gud….n sum of the 1’s ppl commentd wer funny….but i dnt thnk they’r ol thtK……..myb lyk 5 out all of em wer gud….n sum of the 1’s ppl commentd wer funny….but i dnt thnk they’r ol thtK……..myb lyk 5 out all of em wer gud….n sum of the 1’s ppl commentd wer funny….but i dnt thnk they’r ol thtK……..myb lyk 5 out all of em wer gud….n sum of the 1’s ppl commentd wer funny….but i dnt thnk they’r ol tht……n wats wit hating sarah…..jealous much……..i bet u dnt cum up wit ur own original stuf coz if u did…y did u cum 2 this website…xoxo

  70. dad: money doesnt grow on trees!!
    me: money is made of paper.. paper grows on trees.
    dad: money is made of cotton.
    me: that grows on trees too!!!!!! :/

  71. Facebook, Slagbook, meet just to Shagbook, sneaking about but then ya get caughtbook. Guiltbook, Shamebook, not ya real Namebook, in ya photos ya gorgeous but really yr a Mongbook! Prankbook, Skankbook what a fuckin Crankbook. Its gettin pretty scary cos its turning into Wankbook. Textbook, Sexbook, spying on your Exbook, someone ‘likes’ her photo and ya turn into a Pestbook! Scrapbook, Papbook catch the fuckin Clapbook, grab ya shitty iphone and add the shitty Appbook. Shitebook, Strifebook get a fucking Lifebook! Watch it if ya married cos they’ll nick ya fuckin Wifebook! Creepbook, Peepbook when ya take a Leakbook! Yal even be Facebooking in ya fuckin Sleepbook

  72. ■decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
    ■One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
    ■When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
    ■I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
    ■sometimes, not remembering mey be the better.
    ■X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
    ■X is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while.
    ■X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house.
    ■What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing..
    ■slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
    ■wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
    ■X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
    ■People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe i’m moving in circles..
    ■Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
    ■Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
    ■WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.
    ■║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
    ■Dear Santa, let me explain…
    ■I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
    ■My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
    ■If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.
    ■Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
    ■Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
    ■Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
    ■Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
    ■٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶
    ■_̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡
    ■if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP
    ■scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.
    ■̿̿̿ ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ this is a stick-up… give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
    ■Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
    ■The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
    ■Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced.
    ■i’ve yet to meet a woman who got pregnant from swallowing.
    ■Cut here —————–✄———————-
    ■Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
    ■I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
    ■People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
    ■Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
    ■Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
    ■Best Friends Listen to what you dont say.
    ■Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
    ■So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
    ■X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
    ■Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
    ■You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
    ■Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
    ■I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
    ■Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
    ■I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?
    ■X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
    ■Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!
    ■what has two ears and cant hear? —————–.> GRANDPA
    ■I’m not a racer….But i can fly.
    ■press the star below and watch it glow
    ■▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ click star then up arrow to left to reveal status.
    ■I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
    ■Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.
    ■X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome..
    ■Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
    ■I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
    ■X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
    ■X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
    ■¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
    ■Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
    ■oh I’m sorry! i didn’t realise you were giving me a dirty look…i just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!
    ■wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
    ■X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
    ■Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
    ■If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
    ■eat eat and eat….but don’t eat my brain.
    ■I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
    ■a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?
    ■ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
    ■All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.
    ■too cool for school.
    ■trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
    ■the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
    ■–^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.
    ■definitely not watching what not to wear.
    ■forcing my dog to learn how to google.
    ■kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
    ■Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
    ■X is Loading ████████████ 99%
    ■Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
    ■U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown.
    ■X went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
    ■Hi, my name is Damimeve. The ‘mime’ is silent.
    ■I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares.
    ■In an interview, “I can multitask housework with facebook!”
    ■X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
    ■never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
    ■a day late and a dollar short.
    ■Insert coin to view my status message.
    ■If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
    ■We have so much in common. You want to travel,I want you to go .
    ■happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
    ■seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
    ■remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
    ■> $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you home.
    ■20/20 hearing!
    hahhhHAHAHAHHAHAHhhahahahhahahahahHahhahahahahhahaHHkhahaHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHHhhahahahhahahahahah :D bet nobodys ever did that ;)

  73. this is soo funny , i love this site
    im trying to find a funny fb satuas about whores , any sugestions ?

  74. check it out! on

    i got one:

    “Don’t hate me cuz’ i’m beautiful ! ”
    -Keri Hilson
    “I hate you cuz’ I’m beautiful ! ”
    -Me @ Keri ! & You! ;P

  75. Don't J U D G E ! on

    If you have a facebook, and you’re online right now… you may rape my ‘like’ button now!

  76. ayee 12345,, Im 15 to and i think some are pretty funny. Your prolly a lil bitch who thinks your cooler than everyone.

  77. Sarah… All witty people get their stuff from this website… oh wait, no they don’t, they’re actually funny not just fools who regurgitate stuff.

  78. A native can only read this if a chicken can read while eating the corn and chomping the bread of Jesus while readin everything I said to the one who made no sense and the at chick who likes skinny kids and the skinny kid who wants a piece of food and talks to a dead man but doesn’t know hes actually dead…. Words of our lord amen

  79. Morgan Krueger on

    HERES ONE :)
    Call me a b****
    Well a b**** is a dog,
    dogs bark,
    bark is on trees,
    trees are part of nature,
    and nature is beautiful..
    So thanks for the compliment!

  80. this stuff is shit, im 15 and theres no way id use this crap, its dry and for parents that think they’re cool, justsaying.

  81. dear woman, have you ever thought to ur self sex is a complete mistake…. sex itself is pain. then you have to carry a baby around and throwup alot……then you have a baby come out of your va-jj so woman dont get pregnant!!! :) hahaha JK just have protected sex, sex is amazing!!!!

  82. My favorite ones were I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?” and ‎”Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?”.
    lmao

  83. this one made my nyt.

    I’ve always
    wondered if film directors
    wake up screaming “CUT!
    CUT! CUUUUUT!” when
    they have nightmares.

  84. sithembiso khanyile(ngwane..) on

    I’m not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time: lunch time, break time, bed time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

  85. lmao they’re all awesome!! I love
    the one that said ” Going to McDonalds for salad is
    like going to a prostitute for a
    hug..!

  86. omg I loved all theese!!!!! they were hilarious!!! and btw the fake justin beiber needs to quit cause we all know ur fake… and the jb comments? seriosly? i mean, im not a jb fan but ya’ll take things wy to far jus 2 b like every1 els!!

  87. Justin Bieber's Momma on

    Teen: Mom can I wear this belly shirt today?
    Me: No.
    Teen: Can I pleeeaaaasseee wear this mini skirt then?
    Me: Never in your life!
    Teen: Please, just let me wear this hot pink lipstick?
    Me: I won’t allow it.
    Teen: But Mom, I’m 18!!!
    Me: I know Justin… I know…..

    ~~TWO DAYS LATER~~

    Justin: Mom, can I ask you something?
    Me: Sure sweetie.
    Justin: Some boys at school kept saying this certain word… so I was wondering… What’s a v*g*na?
    Me: The answer’s in your pants, dear.
    Justin: ……

  88. selena marie gomez on

    I dont like that u guys are making fun of justin he is a awsome kid and very talented and the fake justin bieber one up there^ said i did want anyobe to find out that im gay really guys just u can be wut ecer u want to be but like stop saying that he is gay and those jokes are really good and just saying if any of my fans are on here i luv u guys qnd thank u for all ur support u guys are the reason im were i am rite now <33333

  89. guys check this one out.. red bull gives you wings, marijuana gets you high, just have a mix and you will be air born in no time~flying made simple~

  90. hahah im glad every one understands my feelings for men and take it seriously…. even though the water bottle did hit me first

  91. Haha , I Love This Onee It Wass Soo Funny And I Got Lots Of Likess ! (:

    Yuhr Make-Up Looks So Pretty ! [:
    Lol , Jkay ‘ Itt Looks Like Ahh ‘ Crayola Raped Yuhr Face !! :D

  92. KateTheClever>=3 on

    my fave one “I like to name my ipod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.” i got lots of likes and comments! :D

  93. You can tell the Justin Bieber at the in comments is fake, because it says “damn i didn’t know i was gay”
    He’s going out with Selena Gomez.

  94. KateTheClever>=3 on

    lmao they’re all awesome!! I love the one that said ” Connie walks up to Liz’s tombstone that said.. “BRB!” .. if you just bothered looking for that joke…. you just wasted your time >=)

  95. Heres three quotes, they’re histerical.

    Twinkle Twinkle little whore relationships come in twos, not in fours.

    Twinkle Twinkle my little slut spread your cheeks and whipe your butt.

    Twinkle Twinkle little slut spread your cheeks so I can fuck your butt.

  96. ha ha ha posted loads of theese!!!!

    love this one ‘A divorced man walks over to his ex-wifes new hubby n asked…so how does it feel enjoying 2nd hand goods?..Doesn’t bother me,he responds..actually once u get past the 1st 3 inches, the rest is all brand new.’

    i wuz rotfl!!!!!!!!!!

  97. Here is one:
    Dear God, please give us back Michael Jackson and in exchange we’ll give you Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Bros and Rebbeca Black. Sincerely, Me

  98. One day, YouTube, Twitter,and Facebook will merge and create something called YouTwitFace.

  99. kenzie (cassies gurl) on

    i like the one that says wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.

  100. I just heard Mc’ Donalds fought Burger King in front of Popeye’s over that girl Wendy. The funeral is at K.F.C you going? I’m taking the subway LMAOOO ( :

  101. The cheese and tomato joke is so funny I fingered my vagina so hard that there was blood everywhere. Then I just played with myself

  102. I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?” (x

  103. Kendall Jenner on

    Wow, that funny! But some are too icky. My niece Mason was looking at my laptop screen!!

  104. these r well funny i used one of them and in like five minutes it had 12 likes and 9 comments lol :D

  105. great website i love these! also “gracie” shut the f**k up ok and get a fucking life! nobody asked u about justin bieber also when you said “then why are you here why” well why do u think dosy bitch to read the facebook statuses you fucking donkey!
    i showed my mom some of these and she put them on facebook straight away (: <3

  106. hahahah lol sooo funny :P i told my dad about the 1 where behind every woman is a man starriing at her ass …. :P and hes like your right :P lmao

  107. ass cheeks an weed on

    lol. add me tj bull on facebook im a pervert so dont expect muck if i ask you to show me boobs!

  108. hahaha awesome dude !!! ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ shit i dropped my bag of doritos

  109. i put the one which sed i wanted to kill the sexiest person alive but suicid is a crime as my status and i got 10 likes in a minute

  110. All you fans out there, well I have something to say to you, if i can deal with being made fun of just like this, then so can JB or whatever because after a while you get use to it, you fans just are not getting it, you think he is hurt, he gets used to it! ( well she, srry) Plus JB said he was gay so he could get all the publicity!!! And all you ugly people out there, you are not going to get a chance with him now stop being jelous i mean seriously! We are not the ones saying things like “I hope jb dies because I want him selena shouldn’t have him!” well you shouldn’t have anyone! I am not a fan but I am telling all you fans, you need to get some common sense!!! Jb isnt the only star that’s getting mad fun of all of them are, but if you ask ANYONE they will know who he is isn’t that a good thing!?!?! I mean really all this publicity is great for him! and you guys are all like stop being mean and tring to stop this popularity well knock it off! I like these jokes and if you don’t then why in the hell are you here!!?!? I mean seriously why! EVERYONE and i mean everyone out there knows the name justin bieber. And yes I am a Selena fan and no i’m not to happy they are dating but you know if shes happy i’m happy and you should be happy for justin all you bielebers!!!!( ps im not a bieliber im just trying to knock some sense into you fans out there) Also this took me a while to write, but wait theres more! POST THIS ON EVERY JUSTIN BIEBER SIGHT AND YOUR FACEBOOK PAGES! GET THIS AROUND!
    ~Sydney~<3

  111. lolzxthisshizzisfunny!! on

    this is great some funny shizz lolzx!!! especially that one that says : your makeup looks so pretty- jk lol it looks lik a crayola crayon raped your face!!!!

  112. ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ dangit. i dropped my bag of doritos

  113. OMG I TOLD MY FREND BOUT THE SEXIEST SUICIDE THING AND HE SPIT HIS PEPSI ALL OVER MY WHITE CHURCH DRESS:(Now He Won’t Unlock The Bathroom Door Bc I Placed My Shoes In Front Of The Door And Said He Was Dead When He Came Out!!!I Told The Whore Tree One To My Mom She Immediately Updated Her Status.
    Heres Another One:
    X Has A Mssg For Yuu:
    Yuur Garden Club Called
    They Want Their Hoe Bakk

  114. haha!!
    every single posts are funny . .
    it kept me rolling on the floor.. .!!
    expecially those justin bieber joke!! haha!!

  115. the cheese tomatoe joke made me so horny im touching myself right now nd im lonley anybody doing the same ;) 8======>~~

  116. Never moon a werewolf.

    Ketamine – Just say nay

    How do deaf people know if someone is screaming or yawning?

    Why does everyone think my Dads are gay?

    Marks And Spencers new advert states that it wouldn’t be Christmas without M&S.

    They’re right too. It’d be Chrita.

    I just ended a long-term relationship today.

    I’m not too bothered, it wasn’t mine.

  117. Fanny Brazilian Guy on

    ¤══════¤♣♣¤¤۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩¤¤♣♣¤═════​​═¤♣ ░░░█▀█░█▀▄░█▀▄░░░░█▀▄▀█░█▀▀░░░​​█░ ░░░█▀█░█░█░█░█░░░░█░░░█░█▀░░░░​​▀░ ░░░█░█░█▄▀░█▄▀░░░░█░░░█░█▄▄░░░​​▄░ ¤══════¤♣♣¤¤۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩¤¤♣♣¤═════​​═¤♣ …FEEL SO BORED !

  118. EVERYONE IS LOSER on

    HOw about you guys get creative and come up with your own status’ facebook likes dont make you popular especially if you got it off the internet. JUsss ssaying. IM OUT SUCK A POPSICLE.

  119. lea angilletta on

    Well some of these are really funny ,
    Others just stupid ! But overall

    B+ :)

    Lea <3

  120. dont know y i mad to comments lol jahvonte es this is me so if you think it isnt this will convince you hopefully lol l8ter again adron out peace

  121. goin to tease my gf with this $h!T THANKS GREAT WORK LOL btw love the one with the bunk bed and code thing Cheese cheese tomato cheese funny

  122. Well was thinking on one, maybe a stupid one, but here is it:

    ‘I don’t read books and I have an ugly face, but here I am’

    @lex

  123. Nunya biznaz on

    Too funny…. If it’s not appropriate GET OUT…. I reposted somebody these…. Very good

  124. Nikki Zataliya on

    Love dis…so funny, if this were on facebook, i would go out of my ‘like’ limit.

  125. lol love the one about A divorced man walks over to his ex-wifes new hubby n asked…so how does it feel enjoying 2nd hand goods?..Doesn’t bother me,he responds..actually once u get past the 1st 3 inches, the rest is all brand new. and i wonder what will happen if Steve Jobs dies…. His tombstone may read – iDead…

  126. After research a few of the weblog posts on your web site now, and I really like your method of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark web site checklist and can be checking again soon. Pls check out my web site as properly and let me know what you think.

  127. oh my gosh this is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cool and funny i love how perverted it is lol :)

  128. My friends status said, “standing on the edge of a cliff :/”…so i poked him.

  129. gotta love when can get online and have other ppl do all the thinking for ya! lol

    love the site!!!

  130. Pedrorocks16 on

    I swear Mario is a hobo, He wakes up wearing the same clothes, Runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what? MUSHROOMS!

  131. Caseybeth5035 on

    ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆ ░░░█▀█░█▀▄░█▀▄░░░░█▀▄▀█░█▀▀░░░█░ ░░░█▀█░█░█░█░█░░░░█░░░█░█▀░░░░▀░ ░░░█░█░█▄▀░█▄▀░░░░█░░░█░█▄▄░░░▄░ ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆
    if i kinow you!

  132. i wanted to kill the sexiest person alive, but commting scuicide is a crime!! ;D

  133. Idahopotato7777 on

     Gay people should all be put on an island so they go extinct… Gay is NASTY

  134. some people do like him…some people hate him..the ones that hate him are putting up jokes about how they feel towards him !duhh

  135. Thegodofguitars on

    THAT JOKE ABOUT STEVE JOBS  IS MINE!!!! :D REALLY!!! :D I WROTE THAT ON FUNNY STATUS APPLICATION ON FACEBOOK!!! AND NOW I AM SOO HAPPY TO SEE IT HERE!!! :D :D :D YAY!!!!

  136. Wow! This is just all…………..STUPID STATUSES!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF REALLY>>>>>>>>>>>>;………

  137. Brookerose2989 on

    Hahaha I agree. And people who keep saying all blondes are dumb need to stop being so hypocritical, really it just means you have no life, well that your not liveing it to the fullest anyway.

    Ahaha dont u just live how my name and my comment coincide? ^•^

  138. OH WOW!! The last time I laughed that hard was when my grandmother fell off her dinosaur…

    Like if you gwet it :)

  139. Liammulberry on

    just been told if girls show more than there legs or bellys there classed as a slag wow! everyones fucked!.. need to learn what it means:L

  140. My wife always complains that I don’t take her anywhere expensive anymore… so i took her to the gas station.

  141. that was funny 8 years ago when my 4 year old sister said it. now it’s just old and lame.

  142. Jarricamarie on

    I went to the shell gas station this morning. I gave the clerck 5$ in gas, she bent over and  farted and gave me the recipt

  143. thinking of kissing coolest person alive…… oh that would be wierd kissing myself hehe lol

  144. KalleGo1OneWay on

    Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That’s why girls wear make up; and boys lie

  145. Northstar296 on

    I think the real issue is, the answer is 10. It doesn’t matter if they drowned or not, the question was, “how many fish do you have?”

  146. Jaimie Blizz on

    Men marry becoz they are tired, women becoz they are curious;n both are disappointed;)lolx;)

  147. KalleGo1OneWay on

    man and wife are making a new password for the computer. man types “mype**s”, wife falls to the floor laughing cause the computer says “error: too short”#LMAFO

  148. Haha , wow , half of it really make sense !
    The other half ….. well , just awesome

  149. now that bin laden is dead….. can we masterbate on airplanes now…? i’d really appreciate if someone let me in on this… thank you much love<3

  150. Hispanic people aren’t usually blonde.

    Here’s a good status update: I’m not stupid, just a brunette eith many blonde moments.

    No offense to blondes!

  151. Amsssssssssss on

    hahahha i love how ^^^ that comment got more like than the original comment !!! bahahahha

  152. One problem with the status …. ‘U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown.’ They can drown silly! If you pull them backwards DUUHHHHHH.

  153. It’s not a typo. ‘jajaja’ is ‘hahaha’ in spanish. My guess is Hispanic blonde. 

  154. come to realize the 3 main lifetime side effect of consuming alcohol are;
    1. Impaired judgment,
    2. Lose of memory and..
    3. Hmmmm….i can’t remember.

  155. Iluvpandas1 on

    Oh im sorry im not perfect for you but did you ever realize that your full of flaws too??

  156. Gursimer Saini on

    you can’t run……….you cnt’hide from the man of dark side rest in peace

  157. Thats a stupid thing to say to a girl and to some girls it really offends them.

  158. EXACT DEFINITION OF engineering..Engineering is the study of finding a black cat in a dark room,u know wh,when der is no cat..

  159. It’s meant to make you immediately think of something sexual, so as you’re reading it, you’re certain of what it is: (we all know)
    then BANG it’s a tea bag and you read over again and realise

  160. shery hashmi on

    I wont be impressed with science until i can download a zinger burger…:-p

  161. Pickup line of the day: Did you get those pants on sale? Because at my house they would be 100% off!

  162. nonsence family on

    A Yardie Goes Into a gogo club & Seh ‘How Much Fe A Gryne?’ The whore Says ‘$1000′. The Yardie Say ‘Me Will Pay Yuh $2000 Fe A Jamaican Style. The Prostitute Says No. The Yardie Say Alrite Me Will Give Yuh $5000. The whore Thinks Ok How Bad Can Jamaican Style Be, So She Agrees. After 30mins The Prostitute Says ‘That Was Amazing But Where Does The Jamaican Style Come In? The Yardie Says ‘Me Will Pay Yuh Next Week.’

  163. Bradley Aucoin on

    Is it just me, or is the ice cream machine at McDonalds always broken..

  164. IWent2School on

    Drowning is the act of suffocation while being submerged (usually in water) While I agree that suffocation and drowning have the same outcome, they are not the same thing. When one is being smothered with a pillow, they are suffocating, not drowning.

  165. Catchme_nishu on

    actually, drowning means the lungs get filled with stuff they shouldn’t be filled with. fish don’t have lungs! yeah, they can drown though… 

  166. Go back to school! on

    You go back to school! Suffocation is the build up of CO2 in the body not being able to escape! Not so much the lack of Oxygen!! 

  167. Wackydude189 on

     Hey dumbass… fish cant drown thats sufficating in water… they can sufficate though…

  168. Charlie Elkins on

     water will never enter the lungs unless the person has already died  you body has a process called the dive reflex that stops any water goinig into the lungs if your under water  .stupid dumbass hahahaha

  169.  drowning and suffixation are exactly the same thing , when you head goes under water theirs a flap of skin in your neck that closes to stop water getting in  so you starve of oxygen ,, go back to school DUMBASS :) 

  170. Definition of drowning is suffocating in water, so ye fish cant drown douche bag!! 

  171.  ppffhahahahaha i really hope ur joking. the definition of drowning is asphyxiation caused by submersion in a liquid lol.

  172.  ppffhahahahaha i really hope ur joking. the definition of drowning is asphyxiation caused by submersion in a liquid lol.

  173. Just for interest sake. If you pull a fish backwards by it’s tale it drowns. I don’t know who i am supporting but i thought i would just throw it out there

  174. Did you know in Japan girls keep their phones on vibrate and put them down their crotch?Don’t feel bad if they don’t answer. It means they’re busy ;)

    ……all i want to know is, where can i get a number? ;)

    Like if you get it.

  175.  facebook isn’t twitter. you don’t need to tweet everything your doing.

  176. Anonymous Gurrrl on

     Me and my mom were shopping for new Cd’s and she asked me..
    Mom: honey, Who’s your favorite artist?
    Me: Eminem
    Mom: The candy?
    Me: no the rapper 
    Mom:What’s so special good about Candy Wrappers?

  177. KalleGo1OneWay on

     When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when an boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.

  178. Lets See how Many Likes we can Get Yo, So ‘Like’. (: Peace Home Doug.

  179. Natalie69vegas on

    well how else r u gonna drown if there is no water? drowning n suffocating are 2 different things….hahahaha dumbass!
     

  180. 90% of people masturbate in the shower, the other 10% sing the SAME song. What song is it? …. I dunno either.  

  181. Yankee_Babe1 on

    “These suck”
    Aren’t you the pot calling the kettle black?
    “Drowning” does NOT mean “not being able to breathe” “to drown” means to SUFFOCATE by submerging into water. One word-DICTIONARY!
    Fish CAN SUFFOCATE but cannot drown (at least not by actual definition)
    Suffocate means to deprive of oxygen, there are many ways to deprive of oxygen, but submerging into water is NOT one of them for fish.
     

  182. not true smart one! not beaing able to breath is called asphyxiation.. drowning is asphyxiation by water!! DUMB! now thats funny! just shoot yourself and dont talk anymore cause your stupid!

  183. Food for thought: The worst fight with a fly, is in a public restroom…Move!!! lol

  184. I gotta call Chuck Norris to see if I can borrow his TotalGym and nunchucks…lol

  185. I kno yall expected for me to forget about yall, go to only twitter and not really fb anymore cause Im rich and famous now. but Ima keep it real, Im still fb’ing…lol

  186. no your stupid. if someone stopped breathing, they’re not gonna say they drowned ? because they’re not in water.

  187. No, that’s asphyxia, drowning is dying through submersion and/or inhalation of water. WAY TO GO

  188. youarethedumbasshere on

    Drowning is your lungs filling with water causing you to not be able to breath. Fish don’t have lungs.

  189. The bit about a skirt and skin to skin . . WHATS THAT GOTTA DO WITH A TEA BAG?! …FAIL!

  190. MEE!! Duhh!!! =P on

    Don’t you just love it when pages have a ‘RETURN TO TOP’ button? It’s like a mini elevator!!

  191. Asphyxiation is being unable to breathe… DUMBASS!!! Drowning is the lungs filling with fluid…

  192. Geoffreysimmons on

    Suffocation is not being able to breathe. Drowning is suffocation due to water or other fluid.

  193. Darryld343 on

    Every guy has three girls in his life. The one he loves, hates, and can’t live without. And in the end, they’re all the same girl.

  194. KalleGo1OneWay on

    I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you

  195. KalleGo1OneWay on

    There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.”
    There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva

  196. Joe Ace Docuyanan on

    what the ****, shut up about justin bieber… hes famous and rich who gives a **** who cares if hes gay or not, let people like him or hate him…!

  197. Gillian_Marie on

    If you can’t see the brighter side to life, go and polish the dull side. but if the dull side is already polished…then i guess ur fucked.

  198. The pressure on the brain is inversely proportional to the time provided that the Syllabus remains constant….this is student’s first law of tension :)

  199. Sarahstarz2008 on

    Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think …its a Teabag xD

  200. roses r red, violets r blue, sugar is sweet, nd so r u. but the roses r wiltd the violets r dead, the sure bowl is empty, nd so is ur head!

  201. emmy got back (; on

    and pregnant.. and isn’t…. i’m surprised you spelt your own hair color right :p

  202. Demarcusashelton on

    ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  203. Georgia Beaumont on

    LOL Do u WANNA hear A better one its boys are like coins hwat ever side they show there still twofaced lol <3

  204. dont ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself

  205. Lolaageee(; ‘Two crisps are walking down the road, A car stops and asks them if they want a lift, they say “No Thanks We’re Walkers!!” Ahaaa(; <3<3

  206. fish can drown dumbass. drowning means not being able to breath. nothing to do with water

  207. You have a problem with me… solve it, you say I’m tpipen… tie my shoe, you cant stand me… sit down, you cant face me… turn arounde

  208. woow break my heart steal my love well sorry to tell you now im sailing away you lost me. now dont try to find me im gone goodbye see ya later.

  209. Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours, belongs in the zoo, don’t be mad, i’ll be there, not in the cage, but laughing at you.

  210. ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ

  211. Boy: So, sex at my place?
    Girl: Yah!
    Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we’re making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder.
    Girl: OK?
    ~Later~
    …Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE!
    Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!
    Like if you get it ;D

  212. dance. Dance god damn it! DANCE! DANCE LIKE UVE NEVER DANCED BEFORE! DANCE LIKE THEIRS NO TOMORROW! DANCE LIKE NOBODY IS PUTTING THIS ON YOUTUBE!

  213. is wondering what “flavoured milkshake” “”brings all the boys to the yard””

  214. gingersarecool.LOL.jk on

    i’m ginger… and i take the piss out of other ginger people.. and there like WOAHH… but your ginger as well…. and its just like yeah but i don’t give a flying fly….

  215. Misscarlysue on

    I met him, I’m not an obsessed fan. I just met the boy when he came to atl. He is just a person. Actually he was pretty genuine. Honestly, people who are low enough to trash Justin Bieber do not have lives. Because, Justin doesn’t care, you’re wasting your time :) follow me on twitter @misscarlysue if you wanna se my pic with him :)

  216. Phttt; love this one. remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.

  217. i love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?”

  218. When you see a status saying; * just deleted heaps of friends off facebook* reading it and feeling like jesus.

  219. I think it’s great that “Playing with your Wee/Wii” has 2 meanings! But only one is required to use two hands!

  220. If women are like wine, doesn’t that mean you need to place them in a cool dark cellar like room for 10 or so years! Whoever thought of that is sick!!

  221. I just found out my Grandpa has alzheimer’s…. He’s totally cool with it. He gets to meet new people everyday!

  222. Trish delaney on

    You can steal my status updates if you like, but I lick every single one before I post them.

  223. Paintedroses on

    WOW, geniussssssss 8) :D I bet those who liked this wanted to be able to think of an awesome sentence like that as well :) HAHAHA.

  224. *BLOND GOES TO THE DOCTOR TO FIND OUT IF SHE IS PREGNENT*
    Doctor: your pregnent
    Blond: *smiles* :)
    Doctor: your having twins
    Blond: *crys*
    Doctor: is’ant that good?
    Blond: i dont know who the father is for the other baby
    Doctor: ……

    LUCKY IM A BRUNETTE !!!!!!!

  225. Kaitlyn Hiatt on

    its not fair how people and dogs are mammals and yet they can reach their nose with their tougue with absolutly no effort…

  226. Elliemaeshaw.x on

    I had Voldemort around for curry and beer last night.. I woke up to find that the cheeky bugger had left a dark mark in the toilet..

  227. As a former joker I think we need more status that are funny and less that make you want to kill yourself

  228. What they meant was that they’re sp used to FB, that when they were on MSN they tried to like their friends status. You can’t like a person’s MSN update/status.

    * “Like” in this sense is used as a noun*

  229. ¿ʍouʞ noʎ ˙ ʎllıs ʎɹǝʌ ʞool noʎ ¡ʇɐɥʇ ǝʞıl ǝɯ ʇɐ ƃuıʞool doʇs

  230. FinnickLover<3 on

    okay, im only commenting cos i want people to ‘like’ this comment. :)

    (awkward turtle) :/

  231. Im Ginger, And I find it all Funny. Aka banter. So Gingers who get upset by this – Man Up x

  232. Sabrinapriyamungal on

    Relationships are like Tom & Jerry: They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can’t live without each other.

  233. Sabrinapriyamungal on

    In front of u boys say they love u ,they care,bout u ,they cant do witout u ,they wil never leave u ,n d main 1 they wil never horn u………but cum on girls tell me wat r they reli sayin behind u……..

  234. CitizenSlyder on

    violence is not the answer only a temporary solution, read that on wikipedia somewhere

  235. CitizenSlyder on

    violence is not the answer only a temporary solution, read that on wikipedia somewhere

  236. Little Princess on

    If the world was fair, Elvis Presley would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead ;)

  237. Little Princess on

    If the world was fair, Elvis Presley would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead ;)

  238. marisa would you just shut your ugly ass mouth for once. all you have been doing is bashing people and calling out their typos, not everyone can be as perfect as you, so just shut up already, damn! how old are you anyway? you are so childish, and its pathetic. you seriously need to grow up and just enjoy the website.

  239. Destinymcleod89 on

    somebdy jus ticked you off or your realyy hapyy abt something innapropiate and you wanna post it.. lalalala BLOCKK all family members & the ones close to them buhahahah. ! [[♥]] it. !

  240. Bosco Singson on

    ˙˙˙˙˙pǝƃuɐɥɔ ʎpɐǝɹɐ sı ǝlƃuɐ ǝɥʇ ǝɔuǝʇuǝs sıɥʇ ʇou ɥsılooɟ ˙˙˙˙ǝlƃuɐ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ɯoɹɟ plɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʞool

  241. Ericacarter96 on

    i did the maceraina with my best friends boyfriend sliding down a hill wereing a green shirt because i am NOT crazie :)(:

  242. marisa needs to be punched in the face =) and everyone who keeps talking about beiberrrrr shut the hell up!!!

  243. oh shutup marisa im trying to read jokes because im effin* bored and your making me hate my day even more with your annoying comments!!! if u seen justin beiber right now i bet u money youd try to suck him up soooo SHUUUTTTT THE HELL UPP !!

  244. Sweetsanju_8 on

    Last Night I Dreamt I was Eating A Giant Marshmallow……..When I Woke Up My Pillow Was Gone!

  245. There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don’t.

  246. I was on MSN and went to like my friends update….. This is getting obsessive…. :L

  247. I have brown hair. But I’m still shocked by the racism against red-haired people! IMHO ‘ginger’ jokes should be considered racist jokes and treated accordingly.

  248. In England it’s Called Football and WE Invented it..you Yanks just cant say it proper so you changed the name … And We call it Soccer too…Ho and your SO CALLED football was Invented by US to.. Rugby ??…
    England 2 The Yanks 0 .. Full Time no flags on play..

  249. Jayde Wilson on

    NOO when life hands you lemons you squirt in someones eye. They cant see you so why bother running ??

  250. dont hate on bellybottons. if you think you’re smarter.. just remember you googled ‘funny facebook status’ too.

  251. i know three facts about you, one you can’t say M without your lips touching, two your trying it now and you look like an idiot alien, three now your smiling

  252. I Hate When FAceBook Asks Whtz On UR mind.. Coz Itz Always “U” N I Wld Neva Want To Share “U” !! :)

  253. B/c if you bring it up..you are crazy and we want to know waaaaaay up front lol

  254. I tried to log on to Facebook. It said, “Cookies are required to operate.” I thought to myself, “Me too, Facebook. Me too.”

  255. is having a concussion by being a real Russian! (do not touch Vodka if you Can’t Drink it..)

  256. Kasha Alverson-Minyard on

    Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself “Dude, that’s the sperm that won???”

  257. Hahah yes, bottle blondes are the “dumb blondes” it’s all this fumes they inhale!!

  258. your friggin stupid. our history is the reason why your in the place you r right now

  259. Elementary School- *crying* I DIDN`T DO MY HOMEWORK!!! .. Middle School- I didn`t do it… .. High School- We had homework?

  260. Well i going to bed….. so if u need someone to talk to. Dicks still up. Goodnight!!!!!!

  261. i have CDO. its just like OCD except the letters are in alphabetical order…like the should be.

  262. soo today i went to IKEA and hid in the wardrobes. and everytime the opened the doors i welcomed them to Narnia[: haa

  263. Russellcharles25 on

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  264. these statuses are ttttttttttttttttttttttooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny…. most of them i read i laughed at…… hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…………………. ttttttttttttoooooooooooo fffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

  265. Excellenelly on

    roses are red yr waffle is blue is blue
    solt it out or no sex for you… lmfao.. xx

  266. I wonder what will happen if Steve Jobs dies…. His tombstone may read – iDead…

  267. Yourmother;) on

    Your make-up looks so pretty:) lol jk it looks like a crayola raped your face!!!

  268. Stupid… 81 of you who liked these are dumb kids.. Knowledge is power. Without knowledge, you’re just an animal.

  269. everyone that hates him bases it on his voice and looks. he is a great singer no question about it. im a guy and i dont think he is gay at all. im more jealous then anything else because he has millions of ladies screaming his name. but haters will hate..

  270. Taffytafolla123 on

    #1 pick up line hey baby u want to TWITTER with my YAHOO until i GOOGLE all over ur FACEBOOK…. lol funny

  271. Gummyteddybearz on

    X went to the grocery store today, told me to help her unpack the car, there was only one bag in the trunk.

  272. i miss your laugh
    i miss your jokes
    i miss your gifts
    i miss your comments on facebook
    i miss everything of u
    most of all
    I MISS U

  273. Ayeshatauqeer1998 on

    A student grabbed a coin,

    Flipped it in the air & said,
    Head, I go to sleep.

    Tail, I watch a movie.

    If it stands on the edge I’ll study:p

  274. Ayeshatauqeer1998 on

    if a guy betrays u
    tell the whole world tht you were to sexy for him, dnt ever tell tht he was too sexy for you

  275. Ayeshatauqeer1998 on

    this is a funny joke

    a kid got bad marks in his test
    he showed his test to his mom
    his mom said ” what is this”
    he answered
    teachers star stickers were finished so she gave me a full moon!!!

    like if u understand and find it funny

  276. Kaykayswiss90 on

    your hairs really long when its wet..i just got a haircut…. your hairs really long when its wet.

  277. im a girl and i lovee this some people need to take the stick out of there ass. i think its the best one i saw so far(: keep it up =]

  278. Would you rather throw Skittles in the air and shout ‘Taste the Rainbow!’ or peg M&M’s at someone and scream at them “GET IN THE BOWL!”??

  279. Awesome i am going to use I was going to kill the sexiest person alive and… you know the rest

  280. I think that leaving a bunch of people scratching their heads was the point. Thanks for ruining it lol

  281. I think you should make him the sandwhich Victor, then finish up with giving him an erection ;)

  282. AmazinglyAmazing on

    whats the point of history? no one cares about dead people! half of the facts arent true anyways.

  283. whoawhoawhoa, there was no need for that. it was a joke. all guys do it. like chill. damn….. if you didn’t like it scroll the down and leave it be. seriously.

  284. See what you did Mairsa? You just killed any possibility of an erection. Now you need to make him a sandwich.

  285. Angela Betsey Bradshaw on

    i kind of agree but mainly its the naturals that are idiots, i think the brunettes are just stupid for dying their hair blonde.

  286. Courtney_moore1222 on

    Alot of these comments helped me out BIG TIME. Now everybody comments on my status, thanks guys … ,(:

  287. dude i dont like justin beaver or whatever his name is but why get all worked up about it dude go get laid lmfao!

  288. Bellybuttons923 on

    why do we need school???
    music~we have YouTube for that.
    Spanish ~i watch Dora.
    English ~everything is shortened anyway (brb,idk,lol).
    geography~i will buy a globe.
    history~they are all dead anyway.
    math~that is why we have the calculator.
    spelling~we have spell check on the computer.
    :)

  289. Bm_rebecca M on

    lol so funny ,,,,, remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit ,,, they where the days lol

  290. JustinBieber<3 on

    Dude… he is too attractive, and super talented. He got found on YOUTUBE! Just realize that there is no one that has a voice like that. And plus he just matured and his voice got deeper. And I bet your voice was just as high when you were 12. AND DUDE!!!! He gets SELENA GOMEZ! Like seriously, shes GORGEOUS!! So shut up and mind your own buisness, kay?

  291. pringleprincess101 on

    -if you have noticed this notice you will hav noticed that this notice isnt worth noticing
    -life was much easier when apples and blackberries were just fruits
    -its so simple to be wise. just think of something stupid to say and dont say it.
    -STUPID: Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand
    -if aliens are looking for intelligent life?!WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED!!!
    -stop being so stupid…its my turn.
    -everyone is stupid. dont abuse the privilege.

  292. Samira Podbicanin on

    No one cares if you’re going to shower, bed, than school tomorrow…because I’m pretty sure that’s what 95% of us are doing… -_-

    ^^^I love thisss O_o

  293. Rose Eardley on

    heres one for ya… one day a chicken croxed the road and met james bond and said whats your name?? ….bond james bond… whats yours??..ken chick ken

  294. Luckycharm193 on

    anybody downing justin bieber is just jealous they didnt make it that far and have millions of girls drooling over them.

  295. The awkward moment when someone mentions JUSTIN BARBIE and all hell breaks loose . just no . :)

  296. Lmao damn it was a joke calm down ppl lol you like him that’s cool lol but I don’t and that just me :P

  297. draggingggggg outttt yourrrrrrr wordssssss doesn’tttttttt makeeeeee youuuuuuu seemmmmmmmm coollll, itttt justtttt makessssss youuuuuuu seemmmmm likeeeee yourrrrrr keyboarddddddd keysssssss keeppppp gettingggggggg stuckkkkkkkk….

  298. You see how only one person liked this? Yeah that is because you are an idiot. And a sexist pig. So make your own Damn Sandwich, lazy ass. You can go ahead and play with yourself too, because with that kind of comment, your not getting a girl in your bed anytime soon.

  299. Not all blonde’s are stupid you know…. not natural blondes anyways. Usually the idiots are the brunnettes that dye their hair blonde.

  300. football does not have a goal keeper………. soccer does…… just so you know you sexist pig.

  301. Calm yourself…. It is not a dis on your precious Justine Beaver, it is just a joke to make people laugh. By the way, in this situation, you would use the word “were” not where…. please go back to your third grade english class. Just a suggestion. ;D

  302. you know what i think is hilarious? the fact that he lost HALF of his fans just for cutting his hair….. now THAT is devotion for ya! ;P (you caught on to the sarcasm in that comment right?)

  303. No, i’m pretty sure no one is jealous…. why do people keep on insisting that just because you don’t like someone means that you are envious of them?

  304. Yeeeessss! of course I am soooooooo jealous of a fugly, self-centered boy who uses voice auditors. You lose a life. Would you like to try again?

  305. Joshuawithyou on

    allow not being able to go watch your own movie just because its rated 12….poor justin beiber LOL