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150+ Hilarious Funny Facebook Status Updates!!

Funny Facebook statuses are a great way to brighten up your social networking profile page. If you are looking for Facebook Status then your search ends here, you have landed on the right page. This article is all about very funny Facebook status messages that have been written by real people. You will find here all Funniest Facebook Status, just read the full collection of the funny facebook statuses.

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  • I know the world isn’t going 2 end in 2012 cuz my yogurt expires in 2013!
  • I like to name my ipod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.
  • Whats the difference between Justin Bieber And a Snickers bar? A snIckers bar has nuts.
  • Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like
  • Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
  • I love it when my computer says ” are you sure you want to continue unprotected “
  • Roses are redish, Violets are blueish, if it weren’t for Christmas, we would all be Jewish!
  • When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
  • One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
  • decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
  • I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
  • sometimes, not remembering mey be the better.
  • X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
  • X is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while.
  • X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house.
  • What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing..
  • slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
  • wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
  • X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
  • People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe i’m moving in circles..
  • Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
  • WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.
  • ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
  • Dear Santa, let me explain…
  • I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
  • My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
  • If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.
  • Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
  • Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
  • Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
  • Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
  • ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶
  • _̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡
  • if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP
  • scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.
  • ̿̿̿ ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ this is a stick-up… give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
  • Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
  • The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
  • Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced.
  • i’ve yet to meet a woman who got pregnant from swallowing.
  • Cut here —————–✄———————-
  • Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
  • I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
  • People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
  • Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
  • Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
  • Best Friends Listen to what you dont say.
  • Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
  • So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
  • X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
  • Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
  • You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
  • Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
  • I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
  • Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
  • I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?
  • X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
  • Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!
  • what has two ears and cant hear? —————–.> GRANDPA
  • I’m not a racer….But i can fly.
  • press the star below and watch it glow
  • ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ click star then up arrow to left to reveal status.
  • I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
  • Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.
  • X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome..
  • Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
  • I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
  • X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
  • X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
  • ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
  • Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
  • oh I’m sorry! i didn’t realise you were giving me a dirty look…i just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!
  • wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
  • X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
  • Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
  • If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
  • eat eat and eat….but don’t eat my brain.
  • I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
  • a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?
  • ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
  • All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.
  • too cool for school.
  • trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
  • the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
  • –^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.
  • definitely not watching what not to wear.
  • forcing my dog to learn how to google.
  • kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
  • Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
  • X is Loading ████████████ 99%
  • Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
  • U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown.
  • X went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
  • Hi, my name is Damimeve. The ‘mime’ is silent.
  • I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares.
  • In an interview, “I can multitask housework with facebook!”
  • X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
  • never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
  • a day late and a dollar short.
  • Insert coin to view my status message.
  • If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
  • We have so much in common. You want to travel,I want you to go .
  • happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
  • seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
  • remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
  • > $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you home.
  • 20/20 hearing!

Boy: So, sex at my place?
Girl: Yah!
Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we’re making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder.
Girl: OK?
~Later~
…Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE!
Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!

why do we need school???
music~we have YouTube for that.
Spanish ~i watch Dora.
English ~everything is shortened anyway (brb,idk,lol).
geography~i will buy a globe.
history~they are all dead anyway.
math~that is why we have the calculator.
spelling~we have spell check on the computer.

  • People make the world go around but at some point don’t you wish it were flat so all the idiots would keep walking and never come back?
  • NEVER trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.
  • I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?”

“how do you spell gay?”
“g.a.y?”
“noooo! j.u.s.t.i.n b.i.e.b.e.r!” (;

  • what’s the difference between puberty & a water bottle? a water bottle hit Justin Bieber first! (;
  • Going to McDonalds for salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
  • Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think …its a Teabag xD
  • Mrs. Bin Laden just updated her Facebook status to single.
  • Sometimes your Knight in shinning armour is just an idiot wrapped in tinfoil.
  • We guys have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see us without an erection, make us a sandwich !

Me and my mom were shopping for new Cd’s and she asked me..
Mom: honey, Who’s your favorite artist?
Me: Eminem
Mom: The candy?
Me: no the rapper
Mom:What’s so special good about Candy Wrappers?

  • If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrehea…does that mean one person enjoys it?
  • status: I can’t log into facebook
  • A bug just landed on my computer screen and my first reaction was on try and scare it away with the curser

*BLOND GOES TO THE DOCTOR TO FIND OUT IF SHE IS PREGNANT*
Doctor: your pregnant
Blond: *smiles*


Doctor: your having twins
Blond: *crys*
Doctor: is’ant that good?
Blond: i dont know who the father is for the other baby
Doctor: LUCKY IM A BRUNETTE !!!!!!!

  • Did you know in Japan girls keep their phones on vibrate and put them down their crotch? Don’t feel bad if they don’t answer. It means they’re busy
    All i want to know is, where can i get a number?
  • Your make-up looks so pretty:) lol jk it looks like a crayola raped your face!!!
  • My friends status said, “standing on the edge of a cliff :/”…so i poked him.
  • Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself “Dude, that’s the sperm that won???”
  • Sometimes i fill up my blow up doll with helium so its playing hard to get.
  • i know three facts about you, one you can’t say M without your lips touching, two your trying it now and you look like an idiot alien, three now your smiling

Guy: Did It Hurt?
Chick: Did What Hurt?
Guy: When you fell from…
Chick: Heaven Awww :’)
Guy: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down!!
Chick: ……….
Guy: Hahaha BITCH!!

  • Sorry, Ke$ha the party dont stop till I walk in.
  • honk if you love Jesus Textwhile driving if you want to meet him.
  • Last Night I Dreamt I was Eating A Giant Marshmallow……..When I Woke Up My Pillow Was Gone.
  • How much coke has Charlie Sheen done?……………enough to kill 2 1/2 men….
  • I love how justin bieber can hit high notes but not puberty!
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours, belongs in the zoo, don’t be mad, i’ll be there, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
  • Relationships are like Tom & Jerry: They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can’t live without each other.
  • I WISH i could be a status, so you could LIKE me .
  • I tried to log on to Facebook. It said, “Cookies are required to operate.” I thought to myself, “Me too, Facebook. Me too.”

Justin bieber: DAD DAD i just had sex
Justin biebers dad: REALY!!!1 THATS SOO AWESOME SON
Justin bieber: i just have one question
J B’s dad: Whats that?
Justin bieber: when will my arse stop hurting
J B;s dad: -.- …

  • A divorced man walks over to his ex-wifes new hubby n asked…so how does it feel enjoying 2nd hand goods?..Doesn’t bother me,he responds..actually once u get past the 1st 3 inches, the rest is all brand new.
  • I wonder what will happen if Steve Jobs dies…. His tombstone may read – iDead…
  • Got into a fight with my alarm clock this morning it wanted me to wake up i disagreed now the alarms broken and im wide awake…not sure who won.
  • I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you.
  • A kid got bad marks in his test, he showed his test to his mom. His mom said ” what is this”? He answered teachers star stickers were finished so she gave me a full moon!!!
  • Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone who needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who deserves a punch in the face, except for a punch in the face. But we can still raise awareness!
  • One day a chicken croxed the road and met james bond and said whats your name?? ….bond james bond… whats yours??..ken chick ken!
  • Behind every great woman is a man looking at her ass!
  • I’d rather Cry over cuts & stitches. not sluts & bitches !
  • Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself

  • http://150 ally

    LOL soooo funny laughed till I cried

  • BL

    wow some of you people need to get a sense of humor…. most of this is funny, especially about that little shit Justin Bieber, that kid is a joke, his music SUCKS ASS…. he needs to go to jail for a little while and play with the big boys there, they will put the little shit in his place, LOL…for those of you that probably didn’t find any of these funny, your probably single because you lead a very sad life, you have probably never cracked a smile… this is some funny ass shit….

  • SwagginSniper35

    Haha good ones

  • lysa

    “What has two ears and can’t hear? Grandpa.” Hahahahaha!!!! I laugh a lot to this joke because i’m thinking of my late grandpa

  • Darren

    Good one about the sandwiches.
    CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE…..
    STOP YOU’RE GETTING MAYO ALL OVER THE BED :)

  • Brittany

    Lol love all the Justin Bieber jokes

  • emily

    im gonna be the awesomest grandma ever lolz 2013 teeens r the best lolz (:

  • kz

    laughed so hard bout the apple n blackberry fruit one :D i think i dyed for a second :p <3

  • kay

    I love this site :)

  • kooooooko

    a boy went to sleep and snored !!!!! hahhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh
    this is a true story

  • Felicia Mathis

    haha…

  • Felicia Mathis

    When I have kids I’m going to make them watch the movie “2012” and tell them I survived that.

  • Smokey

    I love this page!

  • Joshua B

    Another good one I’ve seen: “The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks I’m the only one who can prevent forest fires. I mean, I don’t feel trained for this and I don’t remember even signing up for the position.”

  • Habsex

    I <3 the ones about sex cheese. Tomato

  • Dale Brown

    Tell you like the Bathtub told the Toilet stool,I get as much Ass as you,but I dont have to take all of that shit…lol..

  • DALE BROWN

    Tell you like the Bathtub told the Toilet stool,I get as much ass as you,but I dont have to put up with all of that shit…lol..

  • SWAG

    oll guds…..

  • Airy Oglesby

    My favorite one was about eating the giant marshmallow, and waking up to find your pillow gone.

  • cody

    ahahah theas status are too funny :P

  • Tboy MC

    Spot on with this write-up, I truly think this site
    needs a lot more attention. I’ll probably be returning to see more, thanks for the info!

  • Anand

    Fab …………….!!

  • arbie143

    So were funny, some were REALLY funny, some were just boring and some were just sshhhittttt!!!

  • Lance

    I just created a new app and it’s approved by appolo…its called iDontCare!!!

  • rimmy

    not up to mark

  • Kingsley Charles

    Oh oh oh i have 1, Steve Jobs’s Wife just updated her facebook status to iSingle…lol

  • Doggie

    Its hilarious indeed

  • spartan11679

    justin bieber has too reached puberty, these jokes have got to go!

  • spartan11679

    The Justin Bieber jokes are not funny. He is not gay and he does have “male parts”

  • spartan11679

    The one about the Snickers bar and Justin Bieber isn’t funny. Of course he has a male anatomy, he is a male :)

  • alexandra

    Cheese,cheese,tomato,cheese!!!!!!!! LoL

  • Sankalp

    It’s really amazing!!

  • Emma

    None of this was funny.
    It was crappy grammar and punctuation also.

  • AHMED

    EEFGYW5H6REDHITJIRJTU

  • jamal muhammed

    dis ‘s the best ding i ‘ve eva read ……………………………………..

  • linda

    lmao ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ooh…

  • linda

    lmao ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ooh

  • Lalalal Lyn

    hahaha this is so funny i post as my status

  • Tyler

    These are seriously funny. If u wanna see more funny fb statuses go to funnystatus.com.

  • Cijo Cyril

    cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool !!!!!!!!!!!

  • nina

    lol,
    lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololooololololllololololololololol

  • yashu

    very nice ………….. :-):-):-)

  • yashu

    very nice :-o:-o:-o

  • Amy Doppeee

    It wasn’t that funny… -__-

  • cellou

    Hahahahahhahaha! i posted it on my wall! wajajjajajaj

  • LALA

    BAHAHAH funny as hell!! <3

  • •CheZz•

    You Americans…

  • •CheZz•

    You americans are soo weird lol

  • Lorro

    Slept like log last night,, woke up in the fireplace

  • JRMEX

    A stupid man tells a girl to shut up. A smart man tells a girl she looks preety when her mouth is closed.

    That awkward moment when Pinocchio and Voldemort meet.

    Who ever says words can’t hurt you has never got hit in the face with a dictionary!

  • nia

    Haha Funny

  • saharish jamal

    hmmmmmmmmmm very very niceeeeeeee

  • April-Christine

    This stuff really made me laugh. lmfao need to read some more :)

  • Super

    Well, the last one was funny. Other than that, they were all immature and you obviously cannot spell for shit.

  • TNiika_15

    Haha THis is Fwannyy AF’

  • When life gives you lemons

    Brooo’skiii’sss thiss shitt,wasnt even close to funny norr KOOOOO lolololol. Thenn its was like i wasted 10mins reading this lololol ?!??? Justkidding these aree funnyyyy AF like legit lololol-sheila-•

  • hotshit101bitches

    that shit made me and my boyfriend laugh we love having sex and reading this shit

  • Tesiapettee

    hahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahhahahaha. oh shit that was funny.

  • Amy

    these r so funny

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Melvish-Sharma/100001540361936 Melvish Sharma

    Who ever says that i cant fold a piece of paper into 8th’s has clearly never seen me wipe my ass with the last sheet of toilet paper.

  • yomomma

    Where do you keep all of that tomato sauce?

  • Alyssa Yaawhitegurl Moore

    learn to spell

  • Alyssa Yaawhitegurl Moore

    learn 2 spell!! HOE:P

  • Ajinkkz

    lol…..

  • Surajthegreatkhali

     ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆ ░░░█▀█░█▀▄░█▀▄░░░░█▀▄▀█░█▀▀░░░█░
    ░░░█▀█░█░█░█░█░░░░█░░░█░█▀░░░░▀░ ░░░█░█░█▄▀░█▄▀░░░░█░░░█░█▄▄░░░▄░
    ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

  • http://twitter.com/StellaFactor Stella

    One of mine is on there… neet!

  • http://twitter.com/StellaFactor Stella

    nice to see one of mine is on there.

  • Carmen

    ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆ ░░░█▀█░█▀▄░█▀▄░░░░█▀▄▀█░█▀▀░░░█░ ░░░█▀█░█░█░█░█░░░░█░░░█░█▀░░░░▀░ ░░░█░█░█▄▀░█▄▀░░░░█░░░█░█▄▄░░░▄░ ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

  • Diamond Shavers

    these are so funny

  • joraxx

    it takes 1 1/2 hour reading all of this!! is soo funny i cant concentrate here doing my job!! hahaha lol!! like dis page!! hehe

  • Justinsmith@live.com

    so u are the hoe that told the how that i am a hoe well lesson hoe it takes a hoe 2 know a hoe hoe !!

  • Lukedson

    That is rubbish

  • Bryan

    My friends status said, “standing on the edge of a cliff :/”…so i poked him.

  • Gnawgahyde

    Try putting this on your status if you want your friends to get a laugh.

    Dear Pfizer. Thank you very much for being so concerned that you warn us at the end of every Viagra commercial , but, I have already compiled a list of people I will call if I have an erection that last more than 4 hours, however my Dr. did not make the list!

  • Malachi

    4,765,963 people got married last year….Shouldn’t that be and even number?
     

  • Mashish2008

    good one ….
    regards ashish

  • Sasha ;)

    WTF!? haha

  • MiAcAt

    Can I get 69 likes on this. Sorry, I just need something to match my full-time job. :-)

  • Jameswait47

    Id kick you in the vagina if I knew I wouldn’t loose my shoe

  • Deviant

    that means ur old too…just playing ..i get it

  • Brantheman2011

    Treat her like a princess, fuck her like a pornstar :D

  • Sum Supid Azz Shit :P

    there iz younger ppl reading this

  • holachicka

    I had my friends phone the other day, I changed my contact name to GOD. so whenever I called her phone, it said…’GOD is calling’

  • psherman

    sometimes late at night, when everyone else is sleeping. I fill my bath with tomato sauce, submerge myself completely, pretending i’m a meatball

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1273444102 Mustafa Aydogan

    ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆ ░░░█▀█░█▀▄░█▀▄░░░░█▀▄▀█░█▀▀░░░█░ ░░░█▀█░█░█░█░█░░░░█░░░█░█▀░░░░▀░ ░░░█░█░█▄▀░█▄▀░░░░█░░░█░█▄▄░░░▄░ ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

  • tunechi

    lol i just got like 1 like or 2 lol 

  • Xionblaze

    i didnt :/

  • Roottaylor

    I just spent like an hour and a half reading all these.. & my grandma was watching tv & got mad cuz i just HAD to read all them to her during her movieee. haha. :)

  • Roottaylor

    this has 69 likes, haha. hell yeah. :)

  • Katrinacasillas29

    who goes to macdonolds

  • Katrinacasillas29

    hahahahaaha omg thats really funny

  • Katrinacasillas29

    Eww wtf who would say tat

    loke ugh what if there is younger people reading thiz

  • Katrinacasillas29

    hahaha lol thatz funny 

  • D-clark-123

    The cost of a Princess dinner at Disney is the equivalent of an hour in Champagne room. What would you choose?

  • Stephenbz

    If I tell you your ass looks fat will you stop asking?

  • Lauryncreel

    Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

  • http://www.squidoo.com/funny-motivational-posters2 mina kumari

    Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

  • Dustinwilkinson007

    who wonts to get drunk and crash an aa meeting?

  • マニュエル ミツキー

    magbasa neto tanga.

  • Tliyaht

    its still funny … i bet you take others statuses and use them as your own ( :

  • Justycegurule

    A man asked a fairy to make him desirable and irresistable to all women. So she turned him into a credit card.

  • Thsitseg

    (:

  • Mannee98 Hm

    a guy walks past his bosses office and heard him say” up and down ohh you fell so good” guy thinks he must do something to stop this so he barges in ready to yell at his boss only to realise  he was playing with his new office chair

  • Alisha Lovell

    some gud…. but soo not the Justin Bieber’s ones… have some respect guys… but he kinda luk gay though but dnt put him down so low… have a heart…

  • sasha

    this iz the funnies webste ever!!!!looooooooooooooooooooved it

  • Mzwandile

    hahahahahhahahha

  • Melanie-Jordan

    I hate the JUSTIN BIEBER one’s ’cause it’s really mean to US BELIEBER’S it get’s old after while. Make fun of someone you know personally not someone who’s famous and you have never met. I have met Justin and he is the nicest, sweetest and most down to earth guy I have ever met in my life! His family are lucky to have him and so are his friends. I wish I knew him before fame ’cause I would have loved to be his friend. I love Justin Bieber with all my heart and there’s nothing people can say that will change my mind about him. I have loved him since the first YouTube video and will continue to love him forever after his last video (not that, that will EVER happen!!!)

  • jack

    MOREEE JUSTIN BEIBER SHITTT :)

  • adhien

    hei ..hei..hei

  • ThereMightHaveBeenATimeWhenIDidn’tGiveDamn

    Some are funny but some are kinda offensive. I really don’t like the ones that make fun of Justin Beiber. I don’t really like his music, but it’s mean to make fun of him.

  • David tennants mum

    BLIUUUUGGGHHHHHAAAAA

  • David tennants mum

    AAABLAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!
    I EATED YOUR BABEEZ!!!
    AAABLAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!

  • Micre Nick

    Don’t marry for looks; it will disappoint.

  • Trey Postma

    Poop

  • Your a douche bagg

    These are really………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………lame -_-

  • Bhavesh Sondagar

    Very funny :D
    Liked that!!

  • Farzana

    You should try and eat make-up, It’ll make you pretty inside BITCH!

  • Michael abstance

    Everything is made in china , except babies, theyre made vachina c;

  • jojo

    these are funnnyyyy luv the one bout the “making sandwiches”… mayo ahahah

  • Marixsa

    Some of these are gaay a’f -___________-

  • Emily

    thanks for the clues

  • http://www.yahoo.com/ Missi

    Too many cmoplnimets too little space, thanks!

  • Cerao

    Hello just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same outcome.

  • Veronica Veasey

    Very good blog. Much obliged.

  • http://?????????? hannah

    lkajdf;akusdf

  • The-One-U-Want-2-Meet

    -you dnt kneed to kno-
    Mario is Portuguese not Italian ;-)

  • vianka

    i liked them, but not funny about the justin bieber ones!! not cool

  • Reem!

    These stautsa are good because i put them as my stayts in5 seconds 7 likes wooppwoopp BUZZIN but some and shockingly bad:)

  • http://www.geekersmagazine.com URMOM

    funny stuff LOl

  • HeyThere

    some of thess statuses are stupid and gaaaaaaaaaaay.-_-

  • harley

    remember dont go down there……….

  • babe

    a preist and a buddist are making toast when the priest shouts theres an image of jesus on my toast then the buddist shout i cant belevie its not buddah lol <3

  • LUCERO

    LMAO:D

  • Lucero

    lamo:D

  • Nevaeh

    rumors, well atleast for once your spreading somethings besides your legs!

  • Kaitlyn!

    I Love these hahahaaa! :) hmu on Facebook! im wearing a Indiana Hoodieeee! :)

  • Nicole

    Hahahaahahah!!;DD Fat Mexican Unicorn<3

  • Amber Coltrin

    Theese are hilarious :P

  • suck my ****

    ROTFLMFAO

  • http://www.facebook.com Jasmine

    hi

  • geraldinoe

    funny hey i dnt think my fb wall is gonna survive!!

  • Clarissa

    Hahah,I love the one’s about Justin Bieber.

  • sherneil changoo

    these are so funny :)

  • Paige Nicole

    Twinkle Twinkle Little Whore This is School Not Jersey Shore So Take Off All Those Slutty Clothes Dress Like Normal Not Like Hoes …….. I say this all the time at school ……….. and lol I LOVE Jersey Shore

  • cloud pink

    i really like these statu’s <3 j'aime

  • Esmeralda

    Haha Love These <3

  • Nautica

    THESE R SICK!

  • The mighty hercules

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH yes my fellow peasants i see you have taken somethings from me, im proud to call you all my people. Now wheres my bitch carlos to rub my toes…with ketchup

  • raiden

    the one about steve jobs isnt even funny anymore lol

  • Kiarra

    I like these status’s .

  • you like to eat my caca

    caca maca loco moco MEXICAN REPRESENT

  • you like to eat my caca

    i like caca maca loco moco MEX I CAN REPPRETSENT

  • skeet

    who is up for the ultimate dare of walking around a water park with a four hour erection for the whole day?

  • aliyah

    Freakin Funny i love the ladder ! Well fuck u!

  • mackenzie

    My wife said I haven’t took her anything expensive , So I took her to the gas station

  • JJ

    How come Facebook’s spell checker flags Facebook as spelled wrong?

  • Becca

    wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.

  • -you dnt kneed to kno-

    heheheheheheheh!!!!very fonny ppl!;D i like..very much..
    MARIO::an italian plumer, who was made by japanese people,who speaks english, but look like a mexican>;P

  • miro maro

    very faunny add me onn my mail okk ddt-90 @hotmail.com

  • http://www.fakewebsite.com Lilly Lilly

    Don’t go down there.
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬I’m telling you- don’t go.
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬Are you listening to me? Don’t!
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬Hellooo… don’t go.
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬You… you don’t go.
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬You’re still not listening to me.
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬I can’t talk to you anymore.
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬You listen to me… don’t go down there!
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬Can’t you just listen to me?
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬Okay, you are starting to drive me crazy…
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬ You are!
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬ Are you bored yet?
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬Last chance… don’t go down there.
    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬
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    ╬═╬
    ╬═╬

  • http://www.geekersmagazine.com/funny-facebook-status.html Rebekkah

    OH my gosh funny!!!

  • william

    why do we need school???
    music~we have YouTube for that.
    Spanish ~i watch Dora.
    English ~everything is shortened anyway (brb,idk,lol).
    geography~i will buy a globe.
    history~they are all dead anyway.
    math~that is why we have the calculator.
    spelling~we have spell check on the computer.

  • Sophia

    We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap :3

  • http://? Nessa

    ILove thesee theyre AWESOMEEE!!
    ;D ;D :D ;D ;P

  • http://? Nessa

    omg guess what?!
    i got a job…
    at a mental hospital but they said i need 24hrs with a mental retard want to come ova i hav crayons ;D

  • http://? vanessa

    two sisters owned a farm one blonde one brunette
    BRUNETTE: we need to go buy a bull. I will go into town and buy the bull then ill send a telegram so you can come help me bring it back.
    —–so brunette goes into town———-
    BRUNETTE: how much is it to buy the bull?
    BULL LADY: $50 cheapest price you will find
    BRUNETTE: I only have that much but ok
    —–brunette buys the bull———
    BRUNETTE: how much is it to send a telegram?
    SHOP LADY: $5
    BRUNETTE: oh but i dont have any money
    SHOP LADY: ok i will let you send one word for free what do you want to send?
    BRUNETTE: send the word comfortable
    SHOP LADY: Why comfortable?
    BRUNETTE: Because my sisters a blonde and she will read it as come-for-the-bull

  • coda

    Statistics say that 1 in 4 people are insane, so take a look at your 3 best friends and if they are all OK, its you!

  • Kaycee

    lmfao,this joke has stuck with me for years….
    there was once a blond fed up with everyones shit, so she decided to hang herself, the next day two guys saw her hanging by her wrists…
    guys: what r u doing?
    blond:hanging myself
    guys: ur supposed to put it around your neck
    blond: duh i tried that, i couldn’t breath

  • minhaz

    ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶_̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP

  • minhaz

    this the to chesin a fuck girl……………….//////////////

  • PuruShoth

    If, all men are dogs…I guess dat just makes all women pussy cats..?

  • stasie

    bitches r da reasons y jusstin bieber dosent hit purberdy b/c he suk balls play wit balls but dnt hav dem but wat about his penis do he hav dat or duz he hav a fake PUSSY 2 finger every day wen he goes on tour

  • SteveJobs

    hey its not iDead! F U !

  • LowVyna Tenderjwjwgkey

    really2 entertaining!

  • Jang Agok

    You whats funny? Obamas ears ladis think he’s cute ahahah okay, i think he’s not it’s coZ HE’S 50 AND FIT THATS ALL I MEAN HE CAN FUCKING DO IT admite it bitch lol

  • Randyman

    Assholes and opinions everybody has one and yours stink

  • mike

    lol
    very funny
    add those also
    In life, it’s not who you know that’s important, it’s how your wife found out.

    ***
    A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

  • blaha ramondon

    yo yo yo. best joke evar:

    hey guys i have a cool status i wanna share with u. kk? all you have 2 do is click the see more button. (type in below @seemore and click the first link that pops up. troll ;D0
    blah Losers

  • Midnight Princess

    Hahaha :)

  • Midnight Princess

    Lol, these made my daaayyy :) love humor.. <3

  • ashley

    ‎9966699999966699999966699966669996699999996699666996699 9966999999996999999996666996699666699666996699666996699 9966699999999999999966666699996666699666996699666996699 9966666999999999999666666669966666699666996699666996699 9966666669999999966666666669966666699666996699666996699 9966666666699996666666666669966666699666996699666996666­ 996666666666996666666666666996666669999999669999…9996699

    1) Highlight The Numbers
    2) Press Ctrl and F
    3) Press 9 & see what’s highlighted (:

  • nategr8

    Click Ctrl+W to view my status.

  • XxSnowiee

    Lol This Website Is Freaken Funny ! :)

  • JaNe

    Hahahaha Lol This Is Funny Shit!

  • Dudet

    Seriously? This message isn’t loading. So you can’t see what I think of all this. Too bad.

    Loading ████████████ 99%………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Ha! you just wasted 10 seconds of your life just to wait for the words u r reading to load. Wow. ur smart. lol! funny jokes. u still wasted 10 seconds.

  • Brittney

    These are really funny i use them for my statuses on facebook.

  • MOLLY!!:)

    hahahahhaha these are hella funnay!

  • babysugarrubabooty

    a blond nd brunet are wlk nd the brunet says look a dead bird the blond looks up and says where where…smh :/

  • MichaelBowman

    JUST BECAUSE I LIKE YOUR STATUS DOSE NOT MEAN ITS AN INVATATION TO TLK… IF I WANTED TO TLK ALL NIGHT WITH YOUR CRAZY ASS ID MESSAGE YOU FIRST lol

  • Diana Prince

    OMG, I am reading through this page and i just cannot stop laughing! i literally now have stitches on my sides! LOL! :D

  • شهد

    hello every one

  • شهد

    هلا و الله

  • shelby

    i frikkin love these!!

  • gangstar

    this is jokes is there any more

  • 99problems

    Girls keep saying ‘all men r dogs’
    In reply to them, i keep saying ‘yes, we are. U bitches..!!!’

  • kaisha

    -;#, i love my boy.<3

  • brittaanny

    “to a guy your like a game , there so into you, then the play you like the games over .”

  • Kelsey

    the other day i wise man said, why are you fat?
    i said you arent very wise if you dont know the answer to that, its obviously because i eat alot.
    wise man says ” oh yeah sorry. “

  • gangstar

    lmfao

  • Gracie

    what do you call a dog with no legs?
    don’t matter what you call him! he aint gonna come!

  • iTzMeOnFacebook

    Boy: Its Over….
    Girl: What?? WTF did i dooo??? It dont matter i already slept with 3 of your friendss!
    Boy: I Was Talking About The Movie.
    Girl: ……….
    Boy: BITCHHHH.

  • Tyler

    Hey, Jay Murphy, that was pretty good lol. :)

  • PERSON

    OMFG ……I SEEEEEEEEE….
    GHOSTS AND PEROPLEEEJFH IM HHHIGH IN THE SKY!

  • sexy princess

    just soo boring..!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com Saif

    laughing is d most funniest thing 2 do…..!!!

  • Shelbert

    If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence… Your answer should always be, Please don’t hit me again officer…

  • Mikaela3214

    I love these!(:

  • Kimberly

    LOVE it , its funny =]

  • shawdie on’top

    it was stupid to make jokes about justin bieber..but the rest was funny and maybe steve died after he seen this!(im definetly using some of these on facebook!

  • THEHOTTIE

    I LOVE THIS SHIT
    ITS THE BEST :)

  • laila

    none of these are even remotely good.

  • zooworld

    laughing is the most funniest thing to do. :)

  • Belu

    As if talkin to my wall is bad enuff…i have to type it on my facebook wall too.

  • nolifebuthappy

    I just LOL’d at “iReckon”
    ps. the iDead was quite funny despite the actual passing of Steve Jobs :)

  • http://funnyonelinersonrajinikanth.blogspot.com/ mike

    many many thanks for this
    i will put all these on my facebook

  • Nanananananana

    K……..myb lyk 5 out all of em wer gud….n sum of the 1’s ppl commentd wer funny….but i dnt thnk they’r ol thtK……..myb lyk 5 out all of em wer gud….n sum of the 1’s ppl commentd wer funny….but i dnt thnk they’r ol thtK……..myb lyk 5 out all of em wer gud….n sum of the 1’s ppl commentd wer funny….but i dnt thnk they’r ol thtK……..myb lyk 5 out all of em wer gud….n sum of the 1’s ppl commentd wer funny….but i dnt thnk they’r ol tht……n wats wit hating sarah…..jealous much……..i bet u dnt cum up wit ur own original stuf coz if u did…y did u cum 2 this website…xoxo

  • Harry potter

    Steve jobs is already dead:/

  • kinkela

    haters gon’ hate

  • Gertrude Snufflufugus

    i have no mind thats why i searched this in the first place… O__O

  • Emma

    Steve Jobs is dead, you idiot; it was all over the news!

  • Sleazy

    Oh shyt this is so fucking funny

  • Visi

    GOD = Great Omnipotent Dude

  • https://www.facebook.com/#!/Amy.Marie.McGinnis Amy McGinnis

    Guys, I thought I would make things a little easier for you. This is the code for the perfect female orgasm:→ ☐✕R2↓▲R1↑◯←.

  • https://www.facebook.com/#!/Amy.Marie.McGinnis Amy McGinnis

    This perv just asked me if I was “naked and horny”, I told him I was “dressed and menstratng”…Hopefully I got my point across.

  • sexy biatch ;-) x

    rubbish -.- these are for old people x

  • sexy biatch ;-) x

    this stuff is kinda shit guys x

  • barbie ken

    AHHHH funny

  • barbie ken

    dad: money doesnt grow on trees!!
    me: money is made of paper.. paper grows on trees.
    dad: money is made of cotton.
    me: that grows on trees too!!!!!! :/

  • http://funnyonelinersonrajinikanth.blogspot.com/ mike

    hahahahahhahaha

    lol most of them are adorable but some are crappy but really its a nice one .

  • jay murphy

    Facebook, Slagbook, meet just to Shagbook, sneaking about but then ya get caughtbook. Guiltbook, Shamebook, not ya real Namebook, in ya photos ya gorgeous but really yr a Mongbook! Prankbook, Skankbook what a fuckin Crankbook. Its gettin pretty scary cos its turning into Wankbook. Textbook, Sexbook, spying on your Exbook, someone ‘likes’ her photo and ya turn into a Pestbook! Scrapbook, Papbook catch the fuckin Clapbook, grab ya shitty iphone and add the shitty Appbook. Shitebook, Strifebook get a fucking Lifebook! Watch it if ya married cos they’ll nick ya fuckin Wifebook! Creepbook, Peepbook when ya take a Leakbook! Yal even be Facebooking in ya fuckin Sleepbook

  • http://www.jokesmantra.com Ritu

    Awesome stuff, really appreciable, searching for that from long time

  • http://www.geekersmagazine.com obie.1.conobie

    ■decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
    ■One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
    ■When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
    ■I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
    ■sometimes, not remembering mey be the better.
    ■X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
    ■X is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while.
    ■X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house.
    ■What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing..
    ■slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
    ■wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
    ■X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
    ■People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe i’m moving in circles..
    ■Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
    ■Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
    ■WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.
    ■║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
    ■Dear Santa, let me explain…
    ■I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
    ■My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
    ■If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.
    ■Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
    ■Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
    ■Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
    ■Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
    ■٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶
    ■_̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡
    ■if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP
    ■scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.
    ■̿̿̿ ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ this is a stick-up… give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
    ■Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
    ■The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
    ■Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced.
    ■i’ve yet to meet a woman who got pregnant from swallowing.
    ■Cut here —————–✄———————-
    ■Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
    ■I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
    ■People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
    ■Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
    ■Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
    ■Best Friends Listen to what you dont say.
    ■Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
    ■So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
    ■X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
    ■Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
    ■You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
    ■Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
    ■I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
    ■Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
    ■I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?
    ■X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
    ■Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!
    ■what has two ears and cant hear? —————–.> GRANDPA
    ■I’m not a racer….But i can fly.
    ■press the star below and watch it glow
    ■▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ click star then up arrow to left to reveal status.
    ■I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
    ■Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.
    ■X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome..
    ■Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
    ■I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
    ■X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
    ■X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
    ■¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
    ■Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
    ■oh I’m sorry! i didn’t realise you were giving me a dirty look…i just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!
    ■wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
    ■X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
    ■Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
    ■If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
    ■eat eat and eat….but don’t eat my brain.
    ■I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
    ■a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?
    ■ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
    ■All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.
    ■too cool for school.
    ■trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
    ■the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
    ■–^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.
    ■definitely not watching what not to wear.
    ■forcing my dog to learn how to google.
    ■kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
    ■Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
    ■X is Loading ████████████ 99%
    ■Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
    ■U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown.
    ■X went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
    ■Hi, my name is Damimeve. The ‘mime’ is silent.
    ■I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares.
    ■In an interview, “I can multitask housework with facebook!”
    ■X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
    ■never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
    ■a day late and a dollar short.
    ■Insert coin to view my status message.
    ■If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
    ■We have so much in common. You want to travel,I want you to go .
    ■happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
    ■seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
    ■remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
    ■> $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you home.
    ■20/20 hearing!
    hahhhHAHAHAHHAHAHhhahahahhahahahahHahhahahahahhahaHHkhahaHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHHhhahahahhahahahahah :D bet nobodys ever did that ;)

  • Madison

    Steve jobs isn’t dead

  • SMD.COM;)

    insaME

  • SMD.COM;)

    this is soo funny , i love this site
    im trying to find a funny fb satuas about whores , any sugestions ?

  • sherinareshreddy

    Hi

  • Charissa

    OMG :D these are so funny, i love them… WICKED!!

  • 7894561236

    im 15 and these are for like old people

  • http://www.popular-facebook.com John Cunningham

    Good list. There’s some funny ones in there, that’s for sure!

  • BadHumour

    iReckon…

  • Emma

    omg, steve jobs did die! two days ago, and one of these said iDead, that is terrible! :/

  • bigsam emma

    its jst i lyk it, i mean this web site

  • check it out!

    i got one:

    “Don’t hate me cuz’ i’m beautiful ! ”
    -Keri Hilson
    “I hate you cuz’ I’m beautiful ! ”
    -Me @ Keri ! & You! ;P

  • Don’t J U D G E !

    If you have a facebook, and you’re online right now… you may rape my ‘like’ button now!

  • ashley

    thats almost as sad as dropping your crack in the snow :{

  • smp420

    ayee 12345,, Im 15 to and i think some are pretty funny. Your prolly a lil bitch who thinks your cooler than everyone.

  • Cookiee monsterrr 110

    Girl: Yhur a butthole.. ! (:
    Boy: Well Yhur the whole butt )(:

  • HatingSarah

    Sarah… All witty people get their stuff from this website… oh wait, no they don’t, they’re actually funny not just fools who regurgitate stuff.

  • Yrkaratekid

    I don’t curse, so most of this sucks for me! AHH!

  • Don cheeto

    A native can only read this if a chicken can read while eating the corn and chomping the bread of Jesus while readin everything I said to the one who made no sense and the at chick who likes skinny kids and the skinny kid who wants a piece of food and talks to a dead man but doesn’t know hes actually dead…. Words of our lord amen

  • Morgan Krueger

    HERES ONE :)
    Call me a b****
    Well a b**** is a dog,
    dogs bark,
    bark is on trees,
    trees are part of nature,
    and nature is beautiful..
    So thanks for the compliment!

  • http://www.geekersmagazine.com/funny-facebook-status.html eva

    this shit works for shit lol

  • abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

    hahahahahahaha this is life

  • Brain

    I f**king love this brosef

  • 12345

    this stuff is shit, im 15 and theres no way id use this crap, its dry and for parents that think they’re cool, justsaying.

  • taylor123

    dear woman, have you ever thought to ur self sex is a complete mistake…. sex itself is pain. then you have to carry a baby around and throwup alot……then you have a baby come out of your va-jj so woman dont get pregnant!!! :) hahaha JK just have protected sex, sex is amazing!!!!

  • Nobody

    please bang me

  • Nobody

    ill love these

  • Sarah

    my friends always ask me why am i so funny…..ITS BECAUSE OF THIS WEBSITE!

  • Lynn

    This stuff is great, thanks guys! :)

  • john

    this stuff is the shit…………

  • Rwan Altahir

    My favorite ones were I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?” and ‎”Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?”.
    lmao

  • shelby

    its so funny lol

  • sabelo mabuza

    this one made my nyt.

    I’ve always
    wondered if film directors
    wake up screaming “CUT!
    CUT! CUUUUUT!” when
    they have nightmares.

  • sithembiso khanyile(ngwane..)

    lol,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,lol

  • sithembiso khanyile(ngwane..)

    I’m not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time: lunch time, break time, bed time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

  • Justin beiber

    Hey I like dick (:

  • Justin

    lmao they’re all awesome!! I love
    the one that said ” Going to McDonalds for salad is
    like going to a prostitute for a
    hug..!

  • jOCE sMITH

    omg I loved all theese!!!!! they were hilarious!!! and btw the fake justin beiber needs to quit cause we all know ur fake… and the jb comments? seriosly? i mean, im not a jb fan but ya’ll take things wy to far jus 2 b like every1 els!!

  • Sally

    This is so hilarious.I love the justin beaver ones they seriously made my day.

  • Nyssa

    I lovve dehh 1 frmm JUSTIN BIEBER! LOL
    aDD ME ON FACEBOOK! Nyssa Usher!

  • Justin Bieber’s Momma

    Teen: Mom can I wear this belly shirt today?
    Me: No.
    Teen: Can I pleeeaaaasseee wear this mini skirt then?
    Me: Never in your life!
    Teen: Please, just let me wear this hot pink lipstick?
    Me: I won’t allow it.
    Teen: But Mom, I’m 18!!!
    Me: I know Justin… I know…..

    ~~TWO DAYS LATER~~

    Justin: Mom, can I ask you something?
    Me: Sure sweetie.
    Justin: Some boys at school kept saying this certain word… so I was wondering… What’s a v*g*na?
    Me: The answer’s in your pants, dear.
    Justin: ……

  • selena marie gomez

    I dont like that u guys are making fun of justin he is a awsome kid and very talented and the fake justin bieber one up there^ said i did want anyobe to find out that im gay really guys just u can be wut ecer u want to be but like stop saying that he is gay and those jokes are really good and just saying if any of my fans are on here i luv u guys qnd thank u for all ur support u guys are the reason im were i am rite now <33333

  • Sonny Brook

    lazy rule
    # 34933028721623995745443232009876321089
    you were too lazy to read the whole number

  • Taylor2596

    Too bad suicide isn’t a crime……..

  • hasan zacki

    guys check this one out.. red bull gives you wings, marijuana gets you high, just have a mix and you will be air born in no time~flying made simple~

  • Jes

    Very nice jokes….i liked it……mainly those on justin!!….

  • http://www.facebook.com Ashlynn Albright

    OMGG….! I Love Da Ones Bout Justin Bebier….! Hahah LMFAO Add Me On Facebook

    Ashlynn Albright Onli da opnes wiff pics on it ;lol

  • Me

    KEEP DOING JUSTIN BIEBER ONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

  • Justin Biebzz

    hahah im glad every one understands my feelings for men and take it seriously…. even though the water bottle did hit me first

  • TIiNKeeY

    LawL love thes things but some are tooo stupid

  • ys11

    i love these they mad me laugh

  • http://www.geekersmagazine.com/funny-facebook-status.html/comment-page-8/#comment-7366 emzii

    ahahah I love theese! speciallyy the biebber oness haha to all yeww bliebes!

  • emzii

    Lovee thessee maaan ther soo funnyy.. specially the jb oones x

  • Sand

    The Justin Bieber ones r superb

  • salz

    luv thiz 1 … lmao Going to McDonalds for salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

  • Brittany Billy

    Lolz Diss is sum awesome funny :D s#!+ lol

  • Justin Beiber

    It still hurts!!!

  • Justin Bieber

    It still hurts!!

  • Breann

    THE TWO AND A HALF MEN ONE KILLED ME!

  • niveen

    i like the status :D

  • Malori

    The Justin Bieber ones were my favorite!

  • Barneyy ! [:

    Haha , I Love This Onee It Wass Soo Funny And I Got Lots Of Likess ! (:

    Yuhr Make-Up Looks So Pretty ! [:
    Lol , Jkay ‘ Itt Looks Like Ahh ‘ Crayola Raped Yuhr Face !! :D

  • KateTheClever>=3

    You’re evil lies within…. mine is on the outside… don’t be jealous >:D

  • KateTheClever>=3

    my fave one “I like to name my ipod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.” i got lots of likes and comments! :D

  • :)

    You can tell the Justin Bieber at the in comments is fake, because it says “damn i didn’t know i was gay”
    He’s going out with Selena Gomez.

  • http://yomamajokes.com Yo mama

    lol these r fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnny

  • eric geren

    HA HA HA HA HA good stuff but some of these are old

  • KateTheClever>=3

    lmao they’re all awesome!! I love the one that said ” Connie walks up to Liz’s tombstone that said.. “BRB!” .. if you just bothered looking for that joke…. you just wasted your time >=)

  • jesssss

    no offence, but these are all gay..
    most of them are like pages on facebook anyways..

  • Brooklyn

    Heres three quotes, they’re histerical.

    Twinkle Twinkle little whore relationships come in twos, not in fours.

    Twinkle Twinkle my little slut spread your cheeks and whipe your butt.

    Twinkle Twinkle little slut spread your cheeks so I can fuck your butt.

  • ha ha ha posted loads of theese!!!!

    love this one ‘A divorced man walks over to his ex-wifes new hubby n asked…so how does it feel enjoying 2nd hand goods?..Doesn’t bother me,he responds..actually once u get past the 1st 3 inches, the rest is all brand new.’

    i wuz rotfl!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://www.axleration.com Ganesh @ Axleration

    Funny as hell !

  • Alexa

    Here is one:
    Dear God, please give us back Michael Jackson and in exchange we’ll give you Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Bros and Rebbeca Black. Sincerely, Me

  • zoe101

    One day, YouTube, Twitter,and Facebook will merge and create something called YouTwitFace.

  • Justin Bieber

    Dang, I didnt think anybody knew that I was gay….

  • chantelle

    STOP DOING JUSTIN BIEBER ONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :@

  • sukriri

    hahaha!!!!…..roflmfao!!…….so COOL!! :-) :-P
    ;-)

  • kenzie (cassies gurl)

    i like the one that says wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.

  • Brooke

    I would like this, if I didn’t have all the Justin Bieber ones..

  • stevevn

    add me on fb steven balzeski

  • dhflherufihsdf

    wow.
    teenagers nowadays are super lame.
    go outside.

  • Adam Wentzell

    I just heard Mc’ Donalds fought Burger King in front of Popeye’s over that girl Wendy. The funeral is at K.F.C you going? I’m taking the subway LMAOOO ( :

  • Tiffany

    The cheese and tomato joke is so funny I fingered my vagina so hard that there was blood everywhere. Then I just played with myself

  • sugerbabe69

    there cool not all tht funny

  • Miranda

    I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?” (x

  • Alyssa

    I got so many likes from these on FB,they had ma Lmao!

  • Kendall Jenner

    Wow, that funny! But some are too icky. My niece Mason was looking at my laptop screen!!

  • TIMMY!!!!!

    Go Compare, Go Compare, Give me a Rope To Hang The Bloke at GO COMPARE

  • Holly

    these r well funny i used one of them and in like five minutes it had 12 likes and 9 comments lol :D

  • http://www.geekersmagazine.com/funny-facebook-status.html hi

    hi

  • love143

    @hornyassfuk same :P

  • ellie

    great website i love these! also “gracie” shut the f**k up ok and get a fucking life! nobody asked u about justin bieber also when you said “then why are you here why” well why do u think dosy bitch to read the facebook statuses you fucking donkey!
    i showed my mom some of these and she put them on facebook straight away (: <3

  • http://www.geekersmagazine.com/funny-facebook-status.html Katie H

    soo funnny !

  • gg

    gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

  • Megann

    add me on fb

    meganmustache hugspolarbears

    (: ♥

  • renee

    These were soo alsome.. there funnyy(:

  • stev

    My friends status said, “standing on the edge of a cliff :/”…so i poked him. lolol

  • sarah

    hahahah lol sooo funny :P i told my dad about the 1 where behind every woman is a man starriing at her ass …. :P and hes like your right :P lmao

  • tanu

    awesooom,,,,..lolz…;';,,love the cmnts

  • Heather Morrissey

    LOLOLOLOLOL!

  • miss bitch

    wow this shit is tu funnie i love the jb jokes

  • ass cheeks an weed

    lol. add me tj bull on facebook im a pervert so dont expect muck if i ask you to show me boobs!

  • Abby

    Omg this is so funny got to say i couldn’t stop laughing at some of them

  • Hugh Jass

    Omg I posted one of these statuses and got
    Almost 4 like in 5 minutes! Thanks!

  • Girl

    This is sad.

  • harsh

    dude its a awesome yr i m serious

  • TNinja

    these had me dying :D

  • very funny news

    This stastus with codebar is the best.

  • chelsea

    hahaha awesome dude !!! ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ shit i dropped my bag of doritos

  • Kaustubh

    ya it’s good but i wanted much more.anyways thanks

  • 2k

    all this shxt had me dien

  • harry

    i put the one which sed i wanted to kill the sexiest person alive but suicid is a crime as my status and i got 10 likes in a minute

  • ananya

    iloved dis like hellll,,,,especially that cheese n tomato,….

  • Saf

    this status’s are really awesome………..:-)

  • Amanda

    this stuff is funnyy as hell (:

  • Gracie

    All you fans out there, well I have something to say to you, if i can deal with being made fun of just like this, then so can JB or whatever because after a while you get use to it, you fans just are not getting it, you think he is hurt, he gets used to it! ( well she, srry) Plus JB said he was gay so he could get all the publicity!!! And all you ugly people out there, you are not going to get a chance with him now stop being jelous i mean seriously! We are not the ones saying things like “I hope jb dies because I want him selena shouldn’t have him!” well you shouldn’t have anyone! I am not a fan but I am telling all you fans, you need to get some common sense!!! Jb isnt the only star that’s getting mad fun of all of them are, but if you ask ANYONE they will know who he is isn’t that a good thing!?!?! I mean really all this publicity is great for him! and you guys are all like stop being mean and tring to stop this popularity well knock it off! I like these jokes and if you don’t then why in the hell are you here!!?!? I mean seriously why! EVERYONE and i mean everyone out there knows the name justin bieber. And yes I am a Selena fan and no i’m not to happy they are dating but you know if shes happy i’m happy and you should be happy for justin all you bielebers!!!!( ps im not a bieliber im just trying to knock some sense into you fans out there) Also this took me a while to write, but wait theres more! POST THIS ON EVERY JUSTIN BIEBER SIGHT AND YOUR FACEBOOK PAGES! GET THIS AROUND!
    ~Sydney~<3

  • sara

    lol!!! i posted tons of these!!!

  • Dillon

    behind every great women is a man staring at her ass

  • tshura

    these r really funny

  • tshura

    these r really funny!!! DWL

  • lolzxthisshizzisfunny!!

    this is great some funny shizz lolzx!!! especially that one that says : your makeup looks so pretty- jk lol it looks lik a crayola crayon raped your face!!!!

  • Gracie

    ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ dangit. i dropped my bag of doritos

  • CodyLuffer

    OMG I TOLD MY FREND BOUT THE SEXIEST SUICIDE THING AND HE SPIT HIS PEPSI ALL OVER MY WHITE CHURCH DRESS:(Now He Won’t Unlock The Bathroom Door Bc I Placed My Shoes In Front Of The Door And Said He Was Dead When He Came Out!!!I Told The Whore Tree One To My Mom She Immediately Updated Her Status.
    Heres Another One:
    X Has A Mssg For Yuu:
    Yuur Garden Club Called
    They Want Their Hoe Bakk

  • amin

    haha!!
    every single posts are funny . .
    it kept me rolling on the floor.. .!!
    expecially those justin bieber joke!! haha!!

  • tamara

    rotfl omfg disziz sme funny ish

  • anonimus

    AHAHAHAAHAHAHA LOVE THIS PAGE

  • pia mishra

    LOL!!!!!!!!

  • JBH8R

    OMG!! used sum of deez on FB sooooooo many commments

  • hornyassfuk

    the cheese tomatoe joke made me so horny im touching myself right now nd im lonley anybody doing the same ;) 8======>~~

  • jewel

    add me jewel emaley on facebook

  • jasmin

    some good some crap :L

  • Hiiii(;

    This is some funny ass shit!(:

  • I

    This is awesome! I love it!!

  • lolllll

    so frakin funny

  • sarah

    these are freakin halarious

  • Monroe Seraille

    hi

  • djmoraj

    too 4uny

  • ASHADA

    GREAT ! i love it ….<3

  • Sanduni

    COOOLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!

  • Sanduni

    LOVE IT!!!!

  • keefyb

    Never moon a werewolf.

    Ketamine – Just say nay

    How do deaf people know if someone is screaming or yawning?

    Why does everyone think my Dads are gay?

    Marks And Spencers new advert states that it wouldn’t be Christmas without M&S.

    They’re right too. It’d be Chrita.

    I just ended a long-term relationship today.

    I’m not too bothered, it wasn’t mine.

  • jo

    Funny :) But some of are lame…

  • Punky

    rofl…this is awesome xD

  • Fanny Brazilian Guy

    ¤══════¤♣♣¤¤۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩¤¤♣♣¤═════​​═¤♣ ░░░█▀█░█▀▄░█▀▄░░░░█▀▄▀█░█▀▀░░░​​█░ ░░░█▀█░█░█░█░█░░░░█░░░█░█▀░░░░​​▀░ ░░░█░█░█▄▀░█▄▀░░░░█░░░█░█▄▄░░░​​▄░ ¤══════¤♣♣¤¤۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩¤¤♣♣¤═════​​═¤♣ …FEEL SO BORED !

  • Funny

    these r damn funny

  • satyam pro

    LOLLzz

  • EVERYONE IS LOSER

    HOw about you guys get creative and come up with your own status’ facebook likes dont make you popular especially if you got it off the internet. JUsss ssaying. IM OUT SUCK A POPSICLE.

  • lea angilletta

    Well some of these are really funny ,
    Others just stupid ! But overall

    B+ :)

    Lea <3

  • sany

    hey add many more status plsssss

  • Adron

    dont know y i mad to comments lol jahvonte es this is me so if you think it isnt this will convince you hopefully lol l8ter again adron out peace

  • Adron

    goin to tease my gf with this $h!T THANKS GREAT WORK LOL btw love the one with the bunk bed and code thing Cheese cheese tomato cheese funny

  • Laila

    haha funny :D

  • http://www.alexmensaert.com Alex

    Well was thinking on one, maybe a stupid one, but here is it:

    ‘I don’t read books and I have an ugly face, but here I am’

    @lex

  • Nunya biznaz

    Too funny…. If it’s not appropriate GET OUT…. I reposted somebody these…. Very good

  • do i really need one?

    by god these are DAM funny

  • Elii

    lol i read them all this is sooooooooo funny :))))))))))))))

  • Nikki Zataliya

    Love dis…so funny, if this were on facebook, i would go out of my ‘like’ limit.

  • Joleen Griffyn

    i love this site, but it needs to be more appropriate!!! >;(

  • dacky

    lol love the one about A divorced man walks over to his ex-wifes new hubby n asked…so how does it feel enjoying 2nd hand goods?..Doesn’t bother me,he responds..actually once u get past the 1st 3 inches, the rest is all brand new. and i wonder what will happen if Steve Jobs dies…. His tombstone may read – iDead…

  • joselyn

    this was so funny loved this shit look me up on fb at dominciangal rodriguez

  • aaannnnbbbbb

    this is great!

  • Yony Smith

    funny as hell posted all 150

  • http://zumbaspace.com Derrick Kachiroubas

    After research a few of the weblog posts on your web site now, and I really like your method of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark web site checklist and can be checking again soon. Pls check out my web site as properly and let me know what you think.

  • fdjkb

    good good

  • fdjkb

    good good ..”i like itt!!”

  • jainit

    awsummm…sweeet…keep up d gud wrk :)

  • charanjeet

    very nice status

  • Celeste

    OMG i laughed my a$$ off!

  • Jazz

    Lmao xD this made my day ! :D

  • gracemercy

    oh my gosh this is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cool and funny i love how perverted it is lol :)

  • Mo

    LMAO !! :) I was really sad before but now I’m in a really good mood.

  • Sonia

    My friends status said, “standing on the edge of a cliff :/”…so i poked him.

  • http://thunder-mods.com LOL

    I laughed my ass off.

  • Nique

    Yo , This Wensite 2 Fye !

  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montel_Williams cevon

    Right on!

  • emicakes

    gotta love when can get online and have other ppl do all the thinking for ya! lol

    love the site!!!

  • Madi

    kinda stupid but kinda good overall 50/100

  • wow

    lol

  • Jami Melancon

    OMG, Love this.

  • Tastbeatt

    , , , , ,
    , , , ,
    , , , ,
    , , , ,
    , , , , ,

  • yoo

    :LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

  • katherine kling

    love the mario one lol

  • Pedrorocks16

    I swear Mario is a hobo, He wakes up wearing the same clothes, Runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what? MUSHROOMS!

  • Nikki Adkins

    NU UH D:

  • Eviljoker800

    Dinosaurs were lies, fed to us to cover up the existence of Pokemon.

  • StarTrooper95

    wiz khalifa ;)

  • Yapyap Lorenzo

    = )

  • Yapyap Lorenzo

    haha..  r u the one u are talking about ?

  • Def

    пошел на хуй пидорас. Русская мафия форева!

  • Caseybeth5035

    ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆ ░░░█▀█░█▀▄░█▀▄░░░░█▀▄▀█░█▀▀░░░█░ ░░░█▀█░█░█░█░█░░░░█░░░█░█▀░░░░▀░ ░░░█░█░█▄▀░█▄▀░░░░█░░░█░█▄▄░░░▄░ ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆
    if i kinow you!

  • Cheese

    actually, wouldn’t there be 13 if three came back to life.?

  • Ari cooper

    or a cheese burger from macdonalds

  • Effie Tutko

    i gwt ittt

  • mee :)

    i wanted to kill the sexiest person alive, but commting scuicide is a crime!! ;D

  • Your Mom

    @ Your mom… bitch quit reading status and go make me a damn sandwich!

  • Dallanzt

    This is some funny ass shit!!!

  • http://twitter.com/demiroquai demiroquai

    The end of every episode of “Man vs. Food” turns into “Man vs. Toilet.”

  • Bjhfjjn

    Really good website haha pissed myself just reading them !! xD

  • Mandmdraughon

    Its funny guys remember your bra size but not your birthdate..ughh…men…

  • Aggy

    i did a poo

  • Idahopotato7777

     Gay people should all be put on an island so they go extinct… Gay is NASTY

  • Idahopotato7777

    Good……

  • Idahopotato7777

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…… Thats funny……

  • Idahopotato7777

    artaficial intelligence….

  • martez

    some people do like him…some people hate him..the ones that hate him are putting up jokes about how they feel towards him !duhh

  • Yakatuso

    seems like u’ve been seeing HOUSE a lott…

  • Callum

    becca tett and becca sket!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

  • Pranky

    i liked it but dat doesnt mean i copied !!! ;)

  • Elijah Branton

    I miss Poking you

  • Demisha naidoo

    jah ryt so that meams that they cant even sow their face

  • Lorenzoawan

    This comment is hacked, you can like it as many times as you like(:

  • Thegodofguitars

    THAT JOKE ABOUT STEVE JOBS  IS MINE!!!! :D REALLY!!! :D I WROTE THAT ON FUNNY STATUS APPLICATION ON FACEBOOK!!! AND NOW I AM SOO HAPPY TO SEE IT HERE!!! :D :D :D YAY!!!!

  • Yasmin

    Wow! This is just all…………..STUPID STATUSES!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF REALLY>>>>>>>>>>>>;………

  • Brookerose2989

    Hahaha I agree. And people who keep saying all blondes are dumb need to stop being so hypocritical, really it just means you have no life, well that your not liveing it to the fullest anyway.

    Ahaha dont u just live how my name and my comment coincide? ^•^

  • .:Gablz:.

    OH WOW!! The last time I laughed that hard was when my grandmother fell off her dinosaur…

    Like if you gwet it :)

  • Liammulberry

    just been told if girls show more than there legs or bellys there classed as a slag wow! everyones fucked!.. need to learn what it means:L

  • 23sara

    im awesome

  • Devinhawkins92

    I watch porn.

  • Cat

    I don’t mind if you copy (steal) my status… but at least like my status <1st ;)

  • PremiereDJ

    My wife always complains that I don’t take her anywhere expensive anymore… so i took her to the gas station.

  • your mom.

    that was funny 8 years ago when my 4 year old sister said it. now it’s just old and lame.

  • Jarricamarie

    I went to the shell gas station this morning. I gave the clerck 5$ in gas, she bent over and  farted and gave me the recipt

  • Planetspectrum

     oh, is “penis” a bad word?

  • hell masenger

    i luv to play game with my gf

  • Te31

    thinking of kissing coolest person alive…… oh that would be wierd kissing myself hehe lol

  • KalleGo1OneWay

    Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That’s why girls wear make up; and boys lie

  • Bbykaboo

    Daymmmm I Likee<3

  • Arshiarora12

    i have posted all status

  • Northstar296

    I think the real issue is, the answer is 10. It doesn’t matter if they drowned or not, the question was, “how many fish do you have?”

  • Jaimie Blizz

    Men marry becoz they are tired, women becoz they are curious;n both are disappointed;)lolx;)

  • Franco

    AWESOME POST!!!

  • Liljonnay

    you dont have to like me i aint a facebook status

  • KalleGo1OneWay

    man and wife are making a new password for the computer. man types “mype**s”, wife falls to the floor laughing cause the computer says “error: too short”#LMAFO

  • Syaz Cullen

    Haha , wow , half of it really make sense !
    The other half ….. well , just awesome

  • lewis cooper

    kunt and shit status’s

  • Natthu………

    wow i think i will post
    all the status here on my fb…………

  • cool

    now that bin laden is dead….. can we masterbate on airplanes now…? i’d really appreciate if someone let me in on this… thank you much love<3

  • victoria(:

    i DARE you to like this status!

  • Angy

    lol only a BLONDE would spell BRUNETTE as brunnet…smh JAJAJA

  • Nikki

    Hispanic people aren’t usually blonde.

    Here’s a good status update: I’m not stupid, just a brunette eith many blonde moments.

    No offense to blondes!

  • Natasha Anderson

    KMT. ..Take a J O K E.#?

  • Bailey Riedel

    the kid who cried boredom. . . thats me.

  • Amsssssssssss

    hahahha i love how ^^^ that comment got more like than the original comment !!! bahahahha

  • lmao

    hahahahhahahahahaha

  • lmao

    hahahahahaha

  • Meee :’)

    One problem with the status …. ‘U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown.’ They can drown silly! If you pull them backwards DUUHHHHHH.

  • Flor

    It’s not a typo. ‘jajaja’ is ‘hahaha’ in spanish. My guess is Hispanic blonde. 

  • Elijah Branton

    Yayyyyyy 1 hr & 58 mins til my vid is one uploading!!! :D

  • Bromsoo

    come to realize the 3 main lifetime side effect of consuming alcohol are;
    1. Impaired judgment,
    2. Lose of memory and..
    3. Hmmmm….i can’t remember.

  • Swampfire10

    thay was’nt even funny at all stupid

  • Iluvpandas1

    Oh im sorry im not perfect for you but did you ever realize that your full of flaws too??

  • Gursimer Saini

    you can’t run……….you cnt’hide from the man of dark side rest in peace

  • derp

    Thats a stupid thing to say to a girl and to some girls it really offends them.

  • Awesome_jill

    great statuses.  check out for more awesome statuses

  • Scott

    funny :D

  • Saryah

    This is so great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • maz

    errr i would question a “stiff” tea bag ?!? lol

  • Opps

    ur mums old even my grandmother knows who eminem is. buzz killa :D

  • zuss

    EXACT DEFINITION OF engineering..Engineering is the study of finding a black cat in a dark room,u know wh,when der is no cat..

  • ashleyyyyy

    same thing happened 2 me i laughed so hard

  • Brandonmale

    who cares what the definition is they can drown pull them backwards :)

  • Brandonmale

    no where they dont lik you round eye mofo

  • GGgggggggg

    Nice

  • Katepym

    It’s meant to make you immediately think of something sexual, so as you’re reading it, you’re certain of what it is: (we all know)
    then BANG it’s a tea bag and you read over again and realise

  • kakaka kraziee

    everyone can be 2 faced buy 2 mirrors !! dahhh .

  • Caseybeth5035

    umm hello yes you do who are you to talk

  • shery hashmi

    I wont be impressed with science until i can download a zinger burger…:-p

  • tha truth obviously

    uhhh suffication means not being able to breath dumb shit

  • Didhukbhukee

    dude are you OKAY?

  • kellerboy

    I think we have a winner…(:

  • Rook

    Pickup line of the day: Did you get those pants on sale? Because at my house they would be 100% off!

  • Manasaks2

    save water take bath wid neighbours daughter

  • Arushi Purohit

    where is liliput gone dis days?

  • nonsence family

    A Yardie Goes Into a gogo club & Seh ‘How Much Fe A Gryne?’ The whore Says ‘$1000′. The Yardie Say ‘Me Will Pay Yuh $2000 Fe A Jamaican Style. The Prostitute Says No. The Yardie Say Alrite Me Will Give Yuh $5000. The whore Thinks Ok How Bad Can Jamaican Style Be, So She Agrees. After 30mins The Prostitute Says ‘That Was Amazing But Where Does The Jamaican Style Come In? The Yardie Says ‘Me Will Pay Yuh Next Week.’

  • ohh jeez :)

    that sounds gross lol,,, (x_x) 

  • <3Pandas<3

     haha way to go dude show em who’s smarter than the average bear

  • Bradley Aucoin

    Too bad this page doesn’t have one..

  • Bradley Aucoin

    Is it just me, or is the ice cream machine at McDonalds always broken..

  • Naomiandromy

     The comments are funnier than the statuses!

  • IWent2School

    Drowning is the act of suffocation while being submerged (usually in water) While I agree that suffocation and drowning have the same outcome, they are not the same thing. When one is being smothered with a pillow, they are suffocating, not drowning.

  • Catchme_nishu

    you can drown if there’s no water! go to school dumass! 

  • Catchme_nishu

    actually, drowning means the lungs get filled with stuff they shouldn’t be filled with. fish don’t have lungs! yeah, they can drown though… 

  • Go back to school!

    You go back to school! Suffocation is the build up of CO2 in the body not being able to escape! Not so much the lack of Oxygen!! 

  • Wackydude189

     Hey dumbass… fish cant drown thats sufficating in water… they can sufficate though…

  • Akashpatil8888

    Its Awe some !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Hasanbulut

    Mrs. Bin Laden just updated her Facebook status to single

  • Charlie Elkins

     water will never enter the lungs unless the person has already died  you body has a process called the dive reflex that stops any water goinig into the lungs if your under water  .stupid dumbass hahahaha

  • playdude69

     drowning and suffixation are exactly the same thing , when you head goes under water theirs a flap of skin in your neck that closes to stop water getting in  so you starve of oxygen ,, go back to school DUMBASS :) 

  • Hhhhhh

    Definition of drowning is suffocating in water, so ye fish cant drown douche bag!! 

  • jess.x.x.

     having a typo doesnt make you blonde… it makes you human :P

  • Bernadetteusis

     fascinating !!!

  • Kcjives

     ppffhahahahaha i really hope ur joking. the definition of drowning is asphyxiation caused by submersion in a liquid lol.

  • Kcjives

     ppffhahahahaha i really hope ur joking. the definition of drowning is asphyxiation caused by submersion in a liquid lol.

  • Bumpy

     that’s right cause drowning means there is water in the lungs

  • Phoebe

    Just for interest sake. If you pull a fish backwards by it’s tale it drowns. I don’t know who i am supporting but i thought i would just throw it out there

  • Willie-esco

    talking in circles losers

  • Sam123halohalohollahollanigga

     ahahahaha i love how nobody liked it!!! :D

  • Vampiregirl5284

    i love how everyone just sorta dove in to make you look bad XD 

  • Amira_02begum

     hmm were can u get a number 

  • Jjmusic4

    Did you know in Japan girls keep their phones on vibrate and put them down their crotch?Don’t feel bad if they don’t answer. It means they’re busy ;)

    ……all i want to know is, where can i get a number? ;)

    Like if you get it.

  • Jjmusic4

     facebook isn’t twitter. you don’t need to tweet everything your doing.

  • Jjmusic4

     Q: What do you do for a living?  A: I’m a procrastinator. 

  • Jjmusic4

    ^ shhhhhh….. boy’s brother 

  • Anonymous Gurrrl

     Me and my mom were shopping for new Cd’s and she asked me..
    Mom: honey, Who’s your favorite artist?
    Me: Eminem
    Mom: The candy?
    Me: no the rapper 
    Mom:What’s so special good about Candy Wrappers?

  • basheer sultana

    cool yo…
     

  • Boutinbabyy

     Clause*

  • Aditya Bansal65

     lolz……….

  • Travis

    hahahah
     

  • KalleGo1OneWay

     When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when an boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.

  • Lolol

     LOL these aren’t funny. Insert coin here: [] to view status

  • Bubblehead

    Lets See how Many Likes we can Get Yo, So ‘Like’. (: Peace Home Doug.

  • Natalie69vegas

    well how else r u gonna drown if there is no water? drowning n suffocating are 2 different things….hahahaha dumbass!
     

  • Sillwill

    90% of people masturbate in the shower, the other 10% sing the SAME song. What song is it? …. I dunno either.  

  • U_listen_to_me

    Is that what happened to you or did your mama forget to swallow 

  • Yankee_Babe1

    “These suck”
    Aren’t you the pot calling the kettle black?
    “Drowning” does NOT mean “not being able to breathe” “to drown” means to SUFFOCATE by submerging into water. One word-DICTIONARY!
    Fish CAN SUFFOCATE but cannot drown (at least not by actual definition)
    Suffocate means to deprive of oxygen, there are many ways to deprive of oxygen, but submerging into water is NOT one of them for fish.
     

  • Aj

    Neither should ugly people get sex – they produce ugly kids!

  • your dumb!

    not true smart one! not beaing able to breath is called asphyxiation.. drowning is asphyxiation by water!! DUMB! now thats funny! just shoot yourself and dont talk anymore cause your stupid!

  • AV3000

    Food for thought: The worst fight with a fly, is in a public restroom…Move!!! lol

  • AV3000

    I gotta call Chuck Norris to see if I can borrow his TotalGym and nunchucks…lol

  • AV3000

    I kno yall expected for me to forget about yall, go to only twitter and not really fb anymore cause Im rich and famous now. but Ima keep it real, Im still fb’ing…lol

  • Sw

    no your stupid. if someone stopped breathing, they’re not gonna say they drowned ? because they’re not in water.

  • junkers

    No, that’s asphyxia, drowning is dying through submersion and/or inhalation of water. WAY TO GO

  • youarethedumbasshere

    Drowning is your lungs filling with water causing you to not be able to breath. Fish don’t have lungs.

  • Guest

    The best part is…….. you have a typo….. my guess is blonde. LOL

  • Mchilwan

    The bit about a skirt and skin to skin . . WHATS THAT GOTTA DO WITH A TEA BAG?! …FAIL!

  • MEE!! Duhh!!! =P

    Don’t you just love it when pages have a ‘RETURN TO TOP’ button? It’s like a mini elevator!!

  • Umm_the_blonde

    is it tax refundable?

  • You Suck

    Asphyxiation is being unable to breathe… DUMBASS!!! Drowning is the lungs filling with fluid…

  • Geoffreysimmons

    Suffocation is not being able to breathe. Drowning is suffocation due to water or other fluid.

  • trensta

    DROWNING IS GETTING WATER IN UR LUNGS!!!!! dumbass!!

  • trensta

    illbet the person who made this as blonde

  • Darryld343

    Every guy has three girls in his life. The one he loves, hates, and can’t live without. And in the end, they’re all the same girl.

  • http://twitter.com/PopularFacebook Popular Facebook

    Some good ones in there.

  • ladybug1879

    why are blonde jokes fo stupid….so brunnets can get them…jajaja

  • KalleGo1OneWay

    I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you

  • KalleGo1OneWay

    There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.”
    There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva

  • Joe Ace Docuyanan

    what the ****, shut up about justin bieber… hes famous and rich who gives a **** who cares if hes gay or not, let people like him or hate him…!

  • Joe Ace Docuyanan

    4 skin!!!!! ;D

  • kaYen

    Who cares! I get Both…;)

  • Gillian_Marie

    If you can’t see the brighter side to life, go and polish the dull side. but if the dull side is already polished…then i guess ur fucked.

  • Saptarshi

    The pressure on the brain is inversely proportional to the time provided that the Syllabus remains constant….this is student’s first law of tension :)

  • Sarahstarz2008

    Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think …its a Teabag xD

  • Grpr000

    maybe for you! lol

  • http://twitter.com/LaurenParisxx Lauren paris Waters

    dear parents, oh really? im the liar? tooth fairy.. easter bunny, santa claus! sincerly, your child..

  • X3pufflix3

    haha full moon-a zero 0

  • Spelling is important

    diposit=Deposit.

  • Banana27

    roses r red, violets r blue, sugar is sweet, nd so r u. but the roses r wiltd the violets r dead, the sure bowl is empty, nd so is ur head!

  • emmy got back (;

    and pregnant.. and isn’t…. i’m surprised you spelt your own hair color right :p

  • emmy got back (;

    favorite part is how blonde ^^ is spelt wrong:P

  • Demarcusashelton

    ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  • Guest

    is any of this supposed to be funny?x

  • Georgia Beaumont

    LOL Do u WANNA hear A better one its boys are like coins hwat ever side they show there still twofaced lol <3

  • Mylesshun

    dont ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself

  • Ashwanth

    coooooooooolllllllllll

  • Halawis

    funny

  • Lamontgrade7

    HAHAHA

  • Rozzihere

    Lolaageee(; ‘Two crisps are walking down the road, A car stops and asks them if they want a lift, they say “No Thanks We’re Walkers!!” Ahaaa(; <3<3

  • Trigger Man

    use text generator —> http://www.sherv.net/flip.html

    ႨɯʇႡ˙d!Ⴈɟ/ʇәu˙ʌɹәႡs˙ʍʍʍ//:dʇʇႡ <— ɹoʇɐɹәuәƃ ʇxәʇ әsn

  • These suck

    fish can drown dumbass. drowning means not being able to breath. nothing to do with water

  • Kellstar79

    its a function on an app on iphone

  • awesomechick

    haha i like it <3

  • Piddyx

    In hell they don’t leave either.

  • Hannahmr

    You have a problem with me… solve it, you say I’m tpipen… tie my shoe, you cant stand me… sit down, you cant face me… turn arounde

  • Omg_its_harley

    and they dont give you herpies :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001593175618 Jacqui Ali

    ive used theses comments alll month!!!

  • alyssa

    woow break my heart steal my love well sorry to tell you now im sailing away you lost me. now dont try to find me im gone goodbye see ya later.

  • Lukemyers82

    facebook….. helping stalkers everywhere since 2004…..

  • ????????

    LIKE THIS I”LL TELL WHO AM I ^________________________________^

  • Pam

    What is wrong with you?

  • Pam

    Haha that was kind of funny. I’ve seen better tho.

  • Dillion Henson

    Can we have refunds?

  • Mandy

    He wants you to say “I eat 4 skin (foreskin)”..lol

  • Skuzza_002

    Roses are red violets are black,
    girl your chest is as flat as you back

  • http://www.facebook.com/pshen7 Peter Shen

    I don’t get it? :)

  • its me bobby

    Relationships are like fat people most of them dont work out.

  • Nguyenphan1395

    but violence will leave marks that are permanent solution

  • Sneha

    plz tel me how to do it..i didn get that

  • Daddyslittlegirl_11

    cool

  • Tashaa13

    Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours, belongs in the zoo, don’t be mad, i’ll be there, not in the cage, but laughing at you.

  • Taylor Hicks

    That may be but only in heavan, those gals never leave you.

  • Jordanegrete69

    yo what up people

  • Matt_murder

    Please diposit 25 cents to view my status (:

  • Georgia Cruz

    This is so hilarious!!!!!

  • pornyy

    damn when people say deyy sick….dey mean deyy hornyy….

  • porny

    really..

  • Hellodaniela94

    I can;t believe i used to like that guy. Gasp!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Erin-Ernest/1371072960 Erin Ernest

    love is like poison, deadly but also sensitive like an egg.

  • jason33

    what would it matter if suicide is a crime? ur dead…not like u can go to jail..

  • i-dont-get-it

    i dont get it?

  • Jessysmith747

    ʎlɹo

  • Chris F

    ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ

  • Chels=ME

    Boy: So, sex at my place?
    Girl: Yah!
    Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we’re making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder.
    Girl: OK?
    ~Later~
    …Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE!
    Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!
    Like if you get it ;D

  • kb201

    When life gives you AIDS, make lemon-aids.

  • javier

    why dont all of u just hop off of justins dick

  • Lushhii x

    dance. Dance god damn it! DANCE! DANCE LIKE UVE NEVER DANCED BEFORE! DANCE LIKE THEIRS NO TOMORROW! DANCE LIKE NOBODY IS PUTTING THIS ON YOUTUBE!

  • Lushhii x

    is wondering what “flavoured milkshake” “”brings all the boys to the yard””

  • Lushhii x

    your makeup looks like uve been gangbanged by crayola

  • gingersarecool.LOL.jk

    i’m ginger… and i take the piss out of other ginger people.. and there like WOAHH… but your ginger as well…. and its just like yeah but i don’t give a flying fly….

  • Jajuanford

    Now a tanned Ginger is a different story…. :)

  • bear

    Take life as it comes in your face and runs down your chin.

  • Raeesa-muhammed-x

    lol these are well funny x

  • Ilikepuffcheese

    LMAO
    that’s hilarious!

  • Misscarlysue

    I met him, I’m not an obsessed fan. I just met the boy when he came to atl. He is just a person. Actually he was pretty genuine. Honestly, people who are low enough to trash Justin Bieber do not have lives. Because, Justin doesn’t care, you’re wasting your time :) follow me on twitter @misscarlysue if you wanna se my pic with him :)

  • Amanda Roee

    Phttt; love this one. remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.

  • Pinkpzazz

    how did u do that?????

  • Baseball12326

    If life is such a bitch , Why do 97% of Men Marry one ??

  • Xxbeshnxx

    i love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?”

  • lee

    HA fight the world..

  • yoyoyoyoyo.

    When you see a status saying; * just deleted heaps of friends off facebook* reading it and feeling like jesus.

  • Tjn52

    I think it’s great that “Playing with your Wee/Wii” has 2 meanings! But only one is required to use two hands!

  • Tjn52

    Next time your “making love” try screaming your own name!

  • Tjn52

    If women are like wine, doesn’t that mean you need to place them in a cool dark cellar like room for 10 or so years! Whoever thought of that is sick!!

  • Tjn52

    I just found out my Grandpa has alzheimer’s…. He’s totally cool with it. He gets to meet new people everyday!

  • Trish delaney

    You can steal my status updates if you like, but I lick every single one before I post them.

  • hahaha ginga

    damn straight. whats ginger, cute and pregnant? NOTHING

  • Paintedroses

    WOW, geniussssssss 8) :D I bet those who liked this wanted to be able to think of an awesome sentence like that as well :) HAHAHA.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Donovan/590368175 Steven Donovan

    Love that one

  • Tierra Spooner

    only loser loose dope

  • Tori (:

    You don’t have to like me, I’m not a facebook status (;

  • Toni:)

    *BLOND GOES TO THE DOCTOR TO FIND OUT IF SHE IS PREGNENT*
    Doctor: your pregnent
    Blond: *smiles* :)
    Doctor: your having twins
    Blond: *crys*
    Doctor: is’ant that good?
    Blond: i dont know who the father is for the other baby
    Doctor: ……

    LUCKY IM A BRUNETTE !!!!!!!

  • TAYLOR13

    DAMN THIS IS SO FUNNY

  • Ep37659

    Is so cool that the Aztec predicted his birth

  • Urmom

    facebook = fail gcse’s but worth it

  • Kaitlyn Hiatt

    its not fair how people and dogs are mammals and yet they can reach their nose with their tougue with absolutly no effort…

  • Elliemaeshaw.x

    I had Voldemort around for curry and beer last night.. I woke up to find that the cheeky bugger had left a dark mark in the toilet..

  • Macky841

    good guys get heaven , bt bad guys get gals

  • fran waite

    As a former joker I think we need more status that are funny and less that make you want to kill yourself

  • Jackilalovezyou

    Violence is not the answer, it is the question and the answer is yes

  • FcuknPrincess

    Lmfao. Tuche’ grasshoppa Tuche’

  • Kylie

    What they meant was that they’re sp used to FB, that when they were on MSN they tried to like their friends status. You can’t like a person’s MSN update/status.

    * “Like” in this sense is used as a noun*

  • Lauryn Doll Baby

    Love em! Starring them in my arsenal.

  • AfricanQueen

    HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA tht jst made maa dayy :’D

  • Sora Kuran

    i just ♥ ‘emm

  • somedude

    Life’s a bitch, if it were a slut it’d be so much easier.

  • Hannah

    Just deleted 100 friends… if you are reading this congrats my friend

  • hehehehe

    im ginger and even i think i don’t have a soul!!! :D

  • adam

    funny :L

  • Quinettewinston

    inw rite

  • Qinettewinston

    i knw rite they all ways want to fight

  • Quinettewinston

    hey my people what have yll been up to

  • Lucylou1234

    Heeeheee, These are so funny!! xx

  • emerson

    ¿ʍouʞ noʎ ˙ ʎllıs ʎɹǝʌ ʞool noʎ ¡ʇɐɥʇ ǝʞıl ǝɯ ʇɐ ƃuıʞool doʇs

  • Hazel Waldron

    When life gives you lemons…add tequila!

  • FinnickLover<3

    okay, im only commenting cos i want people to ‘like’ this comment. :)

    (awkward turtle) :/

  • dylan

    birds pee and poop at the same time, so would that mean they poose out of there vass

  • Tom

    Im Ginger, And I find it all Funny. Aka banter. So Gingers who get upset by this – Man Up x

  • Sabrinapriyamungal

    Relationships are like Tom & Jerry: They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can’t live without each other.

  • Sabrinapriyamungal

    In front of u boys say they love u ,they care,bout u ,they cant do witout u ,they wil never leave u ,n d main 1 they wil never horn u………but cum on girls tell me wat r they reli sayin behind u……..

  • CitizenSlyder

    violence is not the answer only a temporary solution, read that on wikipedia somewhere

  • CitizenSlyder

    violence is not the answer only a temporary solution, read that on wikipedia somewhere

  • Little Princess

    If the world was fair, Elvis Presley would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead ;)

  • Little Princess

    If the world was fair, Elvis Presley would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead ;)

  • ginger beater

    wtf get over it, we kno u have no soul

  • ginger beater

    wtf get over it, we kno u have no soul

  • Xo Amandaa-

    how can you make orange juice with lemons ?

  • Xo Amandaa-

    how can you make orange juice with lemons ?

  • beekang

    NICE! can’t stop smiling!

  • Carla

    marisa would you just shut your ugly ass mouth for once. all you have been doing is bashing people and calling out their typos, not everyone can be as perfect as you, so just shut up already, damn! how old are you anyway? you are so childish, and its pathetic. you seriously need to grow up and just enjoy the website.

  • Destinymcleod89

    somebdy jus ticked you off or your realyy hapyy abt something innapropiate and you wanna post it.. lalalala BLOCKK all family members & the ones close to them buhahahah. ! [[♥]] it. !

  • shelly

    i don’t understand..

  • Bosco Singson

    ˙˙˙˙˙pǝƃuɐɥɔ ʎpɐǝɹɐ sı ǝlƃuɐ ǝɥʇ ǝɔuǝʇuǝs sıɥʇ ʇou ɥsılooɟ ˙˙˙˙ǝlƃuɐ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ɯoɹɟ plɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʞool

  • Ashley

    i know right, im a redhead and some annoying girl is like are u a ginger and crap : /

  • LOL

    LOL a crayon… ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

  • LOL

    laugh if someone does that and it actually lands on the edge..

  • Ericacarter96

    i did the maceraina with my best friends boyfriend sliding down a hill wereing a green shirt because i am NOT crazie :)(:

  • Doga

    When a man becomes rich he becomes bad,and when a woman becomes bad she becomes rich :)

  • Markscroggins

    If it wasnt for X i never would have cheated on my gf…

  • Angelskye

    marisa needs to be punched in the face =) and everyone who keeps talking about beiberrrrr shut the hell up!!!

  • Angelskye

    oh shutup marisa im trying to read jokes because im effin* bored and your making me hate my day even more with your annoying comments!!! if u seen justin beiber right now i bet u money youd try to suck him up soooo SHUUUTTTT THE HELL UPP !!

  • Kiera Lovindisnigga Moorer

    Ok ighet it ! lolszxs !dats funnie!

  • Jacobitilley

    lol yha it does lmao!!!

  • bananna

    NOOOO!! WHen life gives you lemons, eat them, and then make sour faces at life.

  • Brendan Wojtecki

    lolololol!!!! got 2 of tehm

  • inlove

    I wish you could be a status, so i could like you

  • run

    life’s a bitch.. and then you marrie one !!

  • hhkbnuvyt

    nice

  • Lady-vols

    is wondering why there is braille on a drive-through ATM machine.

  • C_BURGZ

    nobody dies a virgin, life fucks everyone

  • Sweetsanju_8

    Last Night I Dreamt I was Eating A Giant Marshmallow……..When I Woke Up My Pillow Was Gone!

  • Rachel Rose

    i learned that if life gives u melon, then ur prolly dyslexic

  • brittanysuckaa

    that looks like a tampon.

  • Anonymous

    There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don’t.

  • Lindonarmsrong99

    I eat 1 skin, u eat 2 skin, i eat 3 skin,… what do u eat?

  • Luisa Queen

    I was on MSN and went to like my friends update….. This is getting obsessive…. :L

  • saurabh rauthan

    you can call me a flinston cause i can make ur bed rock

  • Sambson

    I have brown hair. But I’m still shocked by the racism against red-haired people! IMHO ‘ginger’ jokes should be considered racist jokes and treated accordingly.

  • Danny

    In England it’s Called Football and WE Invented it..you Yanks just cant say it proper so you changed the name … And We call it Soccer too…Ho and your SO CALLED football was Invented by US to.. Rugby ??…
    England 2 The Yanks 0 .. Full Time no flags on play..

  • Jayde Wilson

    NOO when life hands you lemons you squirt in someones eye. They cant see you so why bother running ??

  • Anton

    dont hate on bellybottons. if you think you’re smarter.. just remember you googled ‘funny facebook status’ too.

  • Anton

    You coud do.. even if i put you as a status.. still no one would like you

  • Soccerbj01

    trimming her “bush”

  • http://www.facebook.com/natanis.whitney Natanis Whitney

    i know three facts about you, one you can’t say M without your lips touching, two your trying it now and you look like an idiot alien, three now your smiling

  • J3siwolf

    where do pirates eat lunch??????????? arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrby’s

  • Akshay

    I Hate When FAceBook Asks Whtz On UR mind.. Coz Itz Always “U” N I Wld Neva Want To Share “U” !! :)

  • D-rizzle

    B/c if you bring it up..you are crazy and we want to know waaaaaay up front lol

  • Stepharoni

    I tried to log on to Facebook. It said, “Cookies are required to operate.” I thought to myself, “Me too, Facebook. Me too.”

  • SINcitySEAL

    idk, dolphins are pretty smart.

  • Sweetgirl_

    is having a concussion by being a real Russian! (do not touch Vodka if you Can’t Drink it..)

  • Duhhh

    No, it means half of that one person eats it

  • I carez

    I carez

  • Dor

    I dont get it

  • Jdawg!

    Lol i posted all of these

  • Kasha Alverson-Minyard

    Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself “Dude, that’s the sperm that won???”

  • Craicmon

    Forever alone…

  • Ed Gibson

    hahahahahahahahahaah

  • Ulquiorra11

    hahahahahahahahhahah

  • Z28m3z06

    Hahah yes, bottle blondes are the “dumb blondes” it’s all this fumes they inhale!!

  • sh80

    procrastinators UNITE………….. but not right now

  • Catanojordan

    Why am i reading these status posts??

  • Trenthjohnston

    get a life

  • Trent jay

    your friggin stupid. our history is the reason why your in the place you r right now

  • suckaaa

    x wonders what the guy that discovered milk was thinking to do with the cow….

  • Hottiearlet

    Elementary School- *crying* I DIDN`T DO MY HOMEWORK!!! .. Middle School- I didn`t do it… .. High School- We had homework?

  • batman40

    Well i going to bed….. so if u need someone to talk to. Dicks still up. Goodnight!!!!!!

  • batman40

    lol i clean my shoes just saying lol

  • Johndoerayme

    you’re just SO popular now

  • Sarah

    I WOULD PUNCH YOU BUT WHY WOULD I IMPROVE UR LOOKS????!! :)

  • ihatehistory

    … but true
    Read “lies my teacher told me”

  • 123hotfri

    stfu

  • Dramagurly

    i have CDO. its just like OCD except the letters are in alphabetical order…like the should be.

  • Dramagurly

    soo today i went to IKEA and hid in the wardrobes. and everytime the opened the doors i welcomed them to Narnia[: haa

  • Dramagurly[:

    i dont get it….lol

  • Russellcharles25

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  • babygirl

    these statuses are ttttttttttttttttttttttooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny…. most of them i read i laughed at…… hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…………………. ttttttttttttoooooooooooo fffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jon-Quinlan/1479812427 Jon Quinlan

    you sound like the 1 who enjoys diarhea

  • Excellenelly

    this is a facebook status not your life story mate k!

  • Excellenelly

    roses are red yr waffle is blue is blue
    solt it out or no sex for you… lmfao.. xx

  • Claire Macphee

    think about it for a couple os secs and then you will get it!!

  • Whocares

    I wonder what will happen if Steve Jobs dies…. His tombstone may read – iDead…

  • Bellboy55

    But she’s not 12 DUMBASS. She is like 16

  • Bob The Fucktard

    how does this make sensed

  • twpercy

    get in the bowl and this page is funny

  • Lorrainekandiah

    x is trimming her bush in the front garden, and dosent care who see”s!

  • SKANG*

    I WISH i could be a status, so you could LIKE me .

  • Someoneisinthere

    who cares? -_-

  • Chris

    when life gives u lemons , u make orange juice(:

  • Yourmother;)

    Your make-up looks so pretty:) lol jk it looks like a crayola raped your face!!!

  • Gay4U

    that’s from daniel tosh asshole!

  • Tubbs

    X is as bored as a midget in a theme park

  • Funnyman1

    Stupid… 81 of you who liked these are dumb kids.. Knowledge is power. Without knowledge, you’re just an animal.

  • Kory_2006

    That’s what she said!

  • iigetBIG

    everyone that hates him bases it on his voice and looks. he is a great singer no question about it. im a guy and i dont think he is gay at all. im more jealous then anything else because he has millions of ladies screaming his name. but haters will hate..

  • Taffytafolla123

    #1 pick up line hey baby u want to TWITTER with my YAHOO until i GOOGLE all over ur FACEBOOK…. lol funny

  • Kim

    I kool

  • Gummyteddybearz

    X went to the grocery store today, told me to help her unpack the car, there was only one bag in the trunk.

  • Xxgrapeicexx

    Puff Puff Pass (_̅_̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅̅_̅__̅_̅_̅()~~~

  • Ata1july

    i miss your laugh
    i miss your jokes
    i miss your gifts
    i miss your comments on facebook
    i miss everything of u
    most of all
    I MISS U

  • Ayeshatauqeer1998

    A student grabbed a coin,

    Flipped it in the air & said,
    Head, I go to sleep.

    Tail, I watch a movie.

    If it stands on the edge I’ll study:p

  • Ayeshatauqeer1998

    Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

  • Ayeshatauqeer1998

    if a guy betrays u
    tell the whole world tht you were to sexy for him, dnt ever tell tht he was too sexy for you

  • Ayeshatauqeer1998

    this is a funny joke

    a kid got bad marks in his test
    he showed his test to his mom
    his mom said ” what is this”
    he answered
    teachers star stickers were finished so she gave me a full moon!!!

    like if u understand and find it funny

  • Nicholas

    And I want to put the stick IN your ass

  • Sergio

    X just got a ticket for driver inattention.

  • Jellobeanmean

    ✄ I wish my lawn was emo… so it would cut it’s self!

  • alvare11

    Do u even know what SEXIST means? If u do ur not using it right…

  • Lilmexicanboy

    wackk lol

  • Allybluvschu

    —Blank—

  • rajat

    I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet

  • Dbidlack16

    Bubblegum doesn’t melt…

  • Alyssa

    Oh wow thats Lammmmeeeeee

  • Kaykayswiss90

    your hairs really long when its wet..i just got a haircut…. your hairs really long when its wet.

  • Koby

    owned

  • Mariana(;

    im a girl and i lovee this some people need to take the stick out of there ass. i think its the best one i saw so far(: keep it up =]

  • bfcknrzl

    Well played sir…well played

  • bfcknrzl

    They go to school, then shower in the bed and sleep in the stall.

  • Dan

    Would you rather throw Skittles in the air and shout ‘Taste the Rainbow!’ or peg M&M’s at someone and scream at them “GET IN THE BOWL!”??

  • Crystal45

    not nice

  • Ddrewbe

    yes it does you dumbass

  • MrBeto

    Go make me a sandwich…

  • Sureiyn

    Why can’t children watch pirate movies? Because they it’s rated Rrrrr

  • Delano

    your nose…not you’re nose

  • Manbearpigman

    manbearpig is the other 5%

  • Bor3d2010

    Its Funny Because all the girls liked this :)

  • Mr Chubbz

    yea it does

  • Guy

    Awesome i am going to use I was going to kill the sexiest person alive and… you know the rest

  • witmaster

    in many countries football is soccer…Duh…

  • Upbuttcocanut567

    just to shut him up (3 <insert———-8)

  • Jeremy

    I think that leaving a bunch of people scratching their heads was the point. Thanks for ruining it lol

  • Afton

    I think you should make him the sandwhich Victor, then finish up with giving him an erection ;)

  • annoyance

    reading these comments :)

  • Fuzzymonkey15

    ■If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.

  • Goldy_swiss

    why girls alwz write status sigle even glz in relationship

  • kyle

    lol..

  • Dougo1974

    its a joke dill hole!!! lightenup!!!

  • Elizabeth(:

    u know whats better than 24………………..25(:

  • AmazinglyAmazing

    whats the point of history? no one cares about dead people! half of the facts arent true anyways.

  • Nina

    i’m guessing you’re a brunette died blonde ?

  • Nina

    SHUT UP, with your “sexist pig” comments. get over it already.

  • Nina

    whoawhoawhoa, there was no need for that. it was a joke. all guys do it. like chill. damn….. if you didn’t like it scroll the down and leave it be. seriously.

  • Victor

    See what you did Mairsa? You just killed any possibility of an erection. Now you need to make him a sandwich.

  • Skylar

    I don’t see how Helen Keller jokes are even remotely funny..

  • Rottenlove

    That charlie sheen joke is totally mine back off

  • Screamo2422

    don’t be a drag, just be a queen whether you’re broke or charlie sheen

  • WickedClown113

    Hahaha He is probably from england. Football is soccer over there.

  • Baseball

    being gay is like the weirdest and dumbest thing evr u retard

  • hsc84

    Lame

  • Angela Betsey Bradshaw

    i kind of agree but mainly its the naturals that are idiots, i think the brunettes are just stupid for dying their hair blonde.

  • Simpsons_ashton

    Is that you’re nose or are you Eating a Banana?

  • Notusingmyemail

    what about the other 5%

  • Lil_munskin_121

    Sometimes i fill up my blow up doll with helium so its playing hard to get.

  • Guest

    Thats so not true. its the blondes that dye their hair brown are stupid

  • Anonymous

    that doesnt make sense

  • guest…x

    go compare, go compare give me a bat to hit the twat at go compare

  • Courtney_moore1222

    Alot of these comments helped me out BIG TIME. Now everybody comments on my status, thanks guys … ,(:

  • Reenmorgan

    Yeah you douche!

  • Willyman23

    i was R10 short of being your father

  • LadyFalcon

    football has a goalkeeper in england sweetie

  • Davidjagodic

    roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van :)

  • Dustyjo

    if 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrehea…does that mean one person enjoys it?

  • Msdaisteli

    dude i dont like justin beaver or whatever his name is but why get all worked up about it dude go get laid lmfao!

  • Jb_fagot

    not a little boy!!!get it righ!!! a little girl!!!!

  • Bellybuttons923

    why do we need school???
    music~we have YouTube for that.
    Spanish ~i watch Dora.
    English ~everything is shortened anyway (brb,idk,lol).
    geography~i will buy a globe.
    history~they are all dead anyway.
    math~that is why we have the calculator.
    spelling~we have spell check on the computer.
    :)

  • Abdul Gaber

    More like “screaming HER name…”

  • Bm_rebecca M

    i go to talk to the lawn to tell it not to be scared of the lawn mower

  • Bm_rebecca M

    lol so funny ,,,,, remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit ,,, they where the days lol

  • Lindsey2014

    your a fag

  • JustinBieber<3

    Dude… he is too attractive, and super talented. He got found on YOUTUBE! Just realize that there is no one that has a voice like that. And plus he just matured and his voice got deeper. And I bet your voice was just as high when you were 12. AND DUDE!!!! He gets SELENA GOMEZ! Like seriously, shes GORGEOUS!! So shut up and mind your own buisness, kay?

  • pringleprincess101

    -if you have noticed this notice you will hav noticed that this notice isnt worth noticing
    -life was much easier when apples and blackberries were just fruits
    -its so simple to be wise. just think of something stupid to say and dont say it.
    -STUPID: Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand
    -if aliens are looking for intelligent life?!WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED!!!
    -stop being so stupid…its my turn.
    -everyone is stupid. dont abuse the privilege.

  • Samira Podbicanin

    No one cares if you’re going to shower, bed, than school tomorrow…because I’m pretty sure that’s what 95% of us are doing… -_-

    ^^^I love thisss O_o

  • Lilbittah2001

    So awesome:))

  • Rose Eardley

    heres one for ya… one day a chicken croxed the road and met james bond and said whats your name?? ….bond james bond… whats yours??..ken chick ken

  • jayme

    lol

  • Luckycharm193

    anybody downing justin bieber is just jealous they didnt make it that far and have millions of girls drooling over them.

  • sikurgheu

    this is wierd my dad made this joke up 30 years ago!

  • Sara96_x

    The awkward moment when someone mentions JUSTIN BARBIE and all hell breaks loose . just no . :)

  • Andjelika1060

    Ahahahahahaha L-O-V-E this :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1630241539 Vashawn D Nash

    ahah

  • Blah! :)

    Lmao damn it was a joke calm down ppl lol you like him that’s cool lol but I don’t and that just me :P

  • Marisa

    draggingggggg outttt yourrrrrrr wordssssss doesn’tttttttt makeeeeee youuuuuuu seemmmmmmmm coollll, itttt justtttt makessssss youuuuuuu seemmmmm likeeeee yourrrrrr keyboarddddddd keysssssss keeppppp gettingggggggg stuckkkkkkkk….

  • Marisa

    Yup, we totally copied you when kicking your ass in the war.

  • Marisa

    You see how only one person liked this? Yeah that is because you are an idiot. And a sexist pig. So make your own Damn Sandwich, lazy ass. You can go ahead and play with yourself too, because with that kind of comment, your not getting a girl in your bed anytime soon.

  • Marisa

    Not all blonde’s are stupid you know…. not natural blondes anyways. Usually the idiots are the brunnettes that dye their hair blonde.

  • Marisa

    football does not have a goal keeper………. soccer does…… just so you know you sexist pig.

  • Marisa

    Calm yourself…. It is not a dis on your precious Justine Beaver, it is just a joke to make people laugh. By the way, in this situation, you would use the word “were” not where…. please go back to your third grade english class. Just a suggestion. ;D

  • Darkhaven16

    you know what i think is hilarious? the fact that he lost HALF of his fans just for cutting his hair….. now THAT is devotion for ya! ;P (you caught on to the sarcasm in that comment right?)

  • Marisa

    No, i’m pretty sure no one is jealous…. why do people keep on insisting that just because you don’t like someone means that you are envious of them?

  • Marisa

    Yeeeessss! of course I am soooooooo jealous of a fugly, self-centered boy who uses voice auditors. You lose a life. Would you like to try again?

  • Joshuawithyou

    allow not being able to go watch your own movie just because its rated 12….poor justin beiber LOL

  • Slapap12

    This country is due for another civil war …Nascar
    Fans are out of control

  • Shane

    WHO CARES IF HE IS GAY?! it’s not a bad thing to be gay anymore dude!!!!

  • Maddy Grimm

    Leave Justin Bieber alone! *She just wants to live *Her life to the fullest!

  • Pixie_fairy98

    Best punishment to a boy:
    Give him a mobile phone, with lots of balance and girls phone numbers and leave him at a place where there is no network.

  • Whispernsilence

    Onto Facebook, you are both wrong.

  • Miss_caitlyn91

    you guys are all fags, and u all need to get a life.

  • decepticon

    your not famous either , so who are you to say u wish u were famous when your just another average person like the rest of us here ? and whos to say he has done something to make people dislike him , most people just dont like him not only that but his music and gay hairstyle 2 , simple as that.

  • Nata_loca1025

    You stupid hater! Just beacuse you are wasting your time at your house posting stupid comments about him while he’s out there making million$$$..! Get a life… Or better yet… GET A JOB!

  • grlnblak

    WHY is EVERYONE picking on justin Bieber?? LEAVE her ALONE!! She didnt do ANYTHING to you!! :P

  • Sam

    How much coke has Charlie Sheen done?……………enough to kill 2 1/2 men….

  • Katenka_uk

    no yogurt can last that long.lol

  • Sartaj Hanspal

    Amzing! just awsome!

  • Jbreezy1230

    friend: dude, accidents don;t happen, it’s impossible.

    me: umm, they do happen, i can tell you of a accident right now if you asked me.

    friend: and what is that?

    me: well…………..-thinks-…..ohh yeah…YOU

  • Jbreezy1230

    friend: dude, accidents don;t happen, it’s impossible.

    me: umm, they do happen, i can tell you of a accident right now if you asked me.

    friend: and what is that?

    me: well…………..-thinks-…..ohh yeah…YOU

  • ***A***

    WTF! u all are crazy people! if he ever wants someone to care for him he would probably ask!!! now live ur lives and don’t get really pissed on people who just like to joke!

  • Rochele2464

    you got that from a famous quote! >:(

  • Rochele2464

    you got that from a famous quote! >:(

  • Habiki_bloodplus21

    how about.. you shut your mouth, justin bieber is a fag, and looks and sounds like a little boy,
    A LITTLE BOY. thats so unnatractive.

  • maniacc

    I think all girls should have douche bag radar, so we knew which guys to stay away from ;)

  • BAHAHA

    your a fail, stop dissing soviet russia….because SOVIET RUSSIA WILL DISS YOU!

  • SovietRussia

    haha AWESOME

  • Minni-jay-damant1444

    why so disrespectful?
    GROW A PAIR. and have some respect aiight thanks.

  • Bay_B_Doll420247

    JESUS LOVES YOU! Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.

  • NecroDruidd

    That is awesome, but you have a bunch of people scratching there head. lol. For the non binaray people, 1 + 1 = 10

  • Chadmcnealjr1

    no real human likes justin bieber…

  • ZachJF

    yeah, and i know a two year old who has better grammar skills than you…

  • Xxmikekirslisxx

    whats warm wet pink on the inside and melts in your mouth? get your mind out of the gutter, the answer was bubble gum you douche.

  • Guest

    look at how many likes you have and how many likes the guy below you has….

  • Piano_gurl

    um no.

  • Piano_gurl

    dude i don’t care about whatever these whores say, i agree with you! Justin Bieber is a fag and needs to grow up. these are our opinions and if you don’t like them deal with it. because we don’t give a shit about yours.

  • Hanna

    *h
    Her

  • replyer =D

    australia

  • 8181eilime

    thats great. who cares what the other girls say. im a girl, and i think he is too. hahaha once again, great.

  • Cookiemonster123196

    sometimes i remember to forget things

  • Sam Potatos Scott

    nice

  • just trollin by:)

    you guys do know justin bieber really is truely a fag. right? and face it, NONE of you will ever have a chance with him, or to meet him, because you are too obsessed. so get a life and forget the homo:D

  • Ash_elizabeth32

    I dont understand why you have to be rude about it… wow If the rest of the world was as rude as you were id be scared for our generation…

  • SpaceBound<3

    its actually
    *I called my ipod Titanic so that when I plug it into my computer and it says “syncing Titanic” and i press cancel, i feel like a hero :)

  • Alex Lukow

    no not really hes just annoying and he sounds like a girl?!!?!?!?!?!?!

  • Blah

    Wooooooow.

  • Paigeprine

    Dumb.

  • justsayingisall

    I love how nobody liked your comment

  • Yo dawg

    Wow guys for real??? LEAVE JUSTIN BEIBER ALONE! LEAVE HER ALONE!

  • Suck*It((:

    Or Yahoo!MyTwit

  • Chevellek20

    he looks and sounds like a girl and i think anyone over the age of 10 who likes him is immature

  • Random

    stop talkin bout justin bieber on a random website. everyone has their own opinions me personally i think he shouldnt hv cut his hair

  • Jorgem Drizzy

    the last one is extra gay lol

  • Lil_ria

    Shoort Peeople Kiick Butt Butt Datt Izz Alll Wee Caan Reeach

  • Deltadude543

    us guys have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see us without an erection, make us a sandwich ! :)

  • Emmel Roman Miñoza

    There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that understand Binary, and those that don’t :)

  • Emmel Roman Miñoza

    Teacher: Hey students, I encouraged you to join the amazing race. Take note, Its not just a race. It’s amazing.

  • Emmel Roman Miñoza

    Dear Mathematics, please grow and learn to solve your own problems and not to depend on others.

  • person

    hahahahaha

  • JB FOR EVVER ! ((:

    uhhmm , hun it is ** Bieber . Getta Lyfeeeee !

  • JB FOR EVVS ((:

    Really ?? GEET .A . LIFEE .Your jealous of the millions of girls OF ALL AGES screaming his name.

  • Tiakar1995

    hehehe

  • The Awesomeness that is I

    HEY! That is so offensive to the Lezbians!!!

  • Ashley

    Wow…someone obviously didn’t get it

  • Freak0

    justin beiber an’t got balls hes a girl

  • Imogeng99

    thanks people for the funny status updates, shame people have to be twats and either be pathetic towards each other about popstars or make spelling corrections or just not get the jokes and need explanations. ruins the humour of it all. love the titanic one and the wheel chair one. all you other fuckers with no brains and no sense of humour should be banned from facebook!!

  • hahaha

    its i can’t log on facebook……. not into facebook

  • Corvette

    it’s funny how obsessed the world is over him and he’s only a little kid.

  • Wolv_erine

    Justin bieber: DAD DAD i just had sex
    Justin biebers dad: REALY!!!1 THATS SOO AWESOME SON
    Justin bieber: i just have one question
    J B’s dad: Whats that?
    Justin bieber: when will my arse stop hurting
    J B;s dad: -.- …

  • Kt

    unlike some people here, other people actually like justin bieber!! your just jealous because he looks better then u even will, and he is famous and ur not! so shut up

  • kt

    gosh, because some people actually like justin bieber…. u just jealous cuz justin bieber is famous and ur not :P

  • Rose Dawson

    Jack! You’re alive!!!

  • Cutecheeks

    take a chill pill

  • Jesus

    Lifes A bitch because if it was a slut it would be easy (;

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1630241539 Vashawn D Nash

    or Twit My Yahoo!!! lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1630241539 Vashawn D Nash

    I LOVE how you just low key called him a girl in your excuse lmfao!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1630241539 Vashawn D Nash

    Soo….if the world really does end in 2012…then that means that ive wasted my ENTIRE LIFE in school….aha just lovely

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1630241539 Vashawn D Nash

    I never really thought about why my friends parents were so rich…although i did start to question them when i found a ” Homeless. Needs money for food. God bless.” sign one day riding home in the back seat of their BMW

  • Dani

    lol get a grip, cryin over justin bieber

  • missy

    lmao this is so effen funny

  • Dakotahackworth2010

    Roses are red Violets are blue u are my chicken wing to my bread basket 2

  • Dimiitrii

    1 more – Last record from a black box of a crashed airplane: –Dad, dad give me to drive please !!

  • Guest

    you miss 100 % of the chances you don’t take!! sounds like that is a good fit for that girl. if she has a great voice she should get out there and show it off.. maybe she can make it too.

  • Aunero

    why does helen keller masturbate with only one hand? so she can moan with the other

  • Kate

    what does he have dirty shoes to?!

  • Skye Blankenship

    Im That Girl Your Ex Will Hate,Your Mom Will Love And Youll Never Forget

  • Skye Blankenship

    Sometimes I wish the world was flat so the idiot really could fall off the edge of the Earth.

  • Example

    really?

  • Peter Shen

    This is an awesome list! Made me laugh. Going to forward to my 5000 friends now in FB. lol
    Peter Shen, founder http://koowie.com

  • Ahly

    i agreee

  • Joshd2009

    becase its anoyin tht he became famous when i now a girl down road that has better voice

  • Dannybarnes

    leave her alone you mean

  • Logan De Chetwode

    No one copied anything, they just changed the name when it was published in America, and Canada.

  • Logan De Chetwode

    What country do they call him wally in?

  • Logan De Chetwode

    good

  • Dsampson010

    stfu

  • Heelzrule365

    my friends status said, “standing on the edge of a cliff :/”…so i poked him.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Drummer-Windus/100001210102341 Daniel Drummer Windus

    <=====================================O.M.G ITS MY NAME

  • JEbear24

    i would of emailed you earlier but my cat ate the mouse.

  • brianna love

    wow have to use this sum time

  • Bree Tahtamouni

    this is AMAZING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Jessica

    so is killing someone else tho haha

  • Meee

    odee. I dont think he’s gay, dont be mad cuz he lookes better than you ever will .

  • muffslayer

    lmao.. i love douche bag witty comments like this !
    hats off to u sir

  • Bad 6

    dnt look at my pink shirt its ir gf’s :D

  • JustinMerrick

    Ahhh shit. Another “Leave Brittney Alone!!!!” freak? All for Justin Beiber, how cute.. Spelling check: CUT not VUT. Just out trolling, carry on haha.

  • Eion Andrews

    You probably know all of the Justin Websites. I can just see you now…35 years old, 135 cats, and 335 lbs. Get a life, and a waist.

  • cute si em

    AWESOME!!!! m/

  • Jennettekiely

    agree

  • Jennettekiely

    skit how awkward would that be :)

  • SAMI

    ANNIE BUTLER, YOU’RE STUPID AND SO ARE YOUR COMMENTS.

  • SAMI

    AIM AND ANN, GET A F**KING LIFE YOU BEIBER IDIOTS! GOD, HE DOESN’T GIVE A SH*T WHO SAYS WHAT ABOUT HIM!!! HE’S A LITTLE MILLIONAIRRE KID AND YOU’RE NOT! SO, YOU NEED TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELVES INSTEAD OF STICKING UP FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T GIVE A FLYING F**K ABOUT YOU! IDIOTS. GOD. PATHETIC THAT ANYONE GIVES A SH*T ABOUT THIS BEIBER FAG. GROW UP, STUPID B*TCHES!!

  • SAMI

    You’re an idiot, Charli. They weren’t talking about anyone in wheel chairs. Go rent a brain cell and read the joke again. Here it is in LAME-man’s terms “If someone is in a wheel chair and has dirty shoes, then he’s PRETENDING to be in a wheelchair and is LYING!!!” GET IT, DUMB ASS?!!!

  • Steve

    wow, why is this “aim” weirdo sticking up for Beiber, for God’s sake? Are you making his money, Aim Pownall? I think not. So, don’t worry about it and don’t call other people names unless you learn how to spell. What an idiot. ha ha

  • Blahblah

    My Math Marks Make Me Mad.

  • Burnik2000

    its “cursor”

  • Karl T

    “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends” if only all girls were like the spice girls

  • Spotfan13

    oh calm down

  • Mtwtfss

    I want to kiss a girl any volunteer?

  • Bradster

    I just changed the name of my iPod to “The Titanic” so whenever I plug it in to my computer it says “The Titanic is syncing”

  • guest

    is his shoes dirty if they are hes lying to u

  • Steelforce7

    Mind didn’t… :(

  • Steelforce7

    or my face you twit

  • Daftlunatic

    If Practice makes perfect, then my parents must have practiced a lot before they made me. XP

  • Chocaholic-crazybaby

    “Dude.. She has a boyfriend?” “Yeah so? Football has a goalkeeper, doesn’t mean you can’t score!”

  • Beth

    and then you ^ go get a life

  • Hairycornflakes

    PMSL love it haha

    I see a bloke the other day with wooden legs!!!!!

    BUT!!! real feet :-)

  • Funckygirlz

    I DONT GET IT :S

  • Dude

    Guy: Did It Hurt?
    Chick: Did What Hurt?
    Guy: When you fell from…
    Chick: Heaven Awww :’)
    Guy: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down!!
    Chick: ……….
    Guy: Hahaha BITCH!!

  • Annie Butler

    Roses are red & Violets are blue… IN SOVIET RUSSIA POEM WRITE YOU!!!!

  • Dylan El Teto Valdez

    the apple does not fall far from the tree…unless you throw it really hard

  • emilyannepeters

    haha i loveee thiiiss

  • King.Arsalan

    This is too much funnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyy. :D

  • Jeff L’Hirondelle

    What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? there both empty from the neck up

  • Ek!

    They tell us to send our clothes to the starving in Africa, Believe me if they can fit into mine they are not starving…

  • joe

    it is the party dont start till i walk in lol

  • Washington Mikah

    um he wasnt making fun of ppl in wheelchairs dumby,he was making a joke!!!

  • Jack Dawson

    This is awesome!

  • Slaterhead

    im level 30

  • kevin

    A divorced man walks over to his ex-wifes new hubby n asked…so how does it feel enjoying 2nd hand goods?..Doesn’t bother me,he responds..actually once u get past the 1st 3 inches, the rest is all brand new

  • taterbug1394

    I was on farmville once then immigration came a took all of my workers!

  • Sacredxvampyress

    The Zodiacs only changed for people born after 2009…

  • Bahonkiss21

    thank you… and thats just a little taste my friend

  • Ann Eckert

    Why the hell does everyone dis on Justin bieber? What did he do to you? NOTHING you wish you where famous!:)

  • Ellenamy

    Rude and offencive but I like it :P

  • ?King Solomon?

    :)) ….. a lady walking by the street saw a man staring at her breasts …. she went up to him and asked “can u plss take something out of my breasts” … he said SURE ! … then she says “take your eyes off it you asshole” …. :)) hehe.

  • AustinR

    Going to McDonalds for salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

  • Brader_danny

    THE APPLE DOESN’T FALL FAR FROM THE I-PHONE…I MEAN TREE..I’M PRETTY SURE I WAS ABOUT TO SAY TREE

  • Jackie

    LOL FUNNY CHIZ

  • Azambella11

    Lol. is gay supposed to be something bad?

  • Justinbieber211

    I love how u have nothing else to do but call someone u dont even know bitch.

  • Aim-pownall211

    No right this is a website not even CONCERNING Justin Bieber al right leave him alone VUT HIM SOME SLACK dude. Jerk.

  • kevin

    hehehe now thats kind of comforting!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1486702232 Stephanie Stars Mayhue

    ☆99 problems. 99 bottles of beer on the wall. Coincidence? ☆
    sometimes thinks that Facebook should change the status question from “What’s on your mind?” to “What’s your problem today?
    ☆ Men think about sex every seven seconds…..Which is why I eat suckers in under six seconds…so it doesn’t get weird.☆
    ☆I Wonder What Would Happen If I Walked Through Sea World With A Fishing Pole….?☆
    ‎”My oven has a button that says ‘Stop Time’. I know it’s probably supposed to say ‘Stop Timer’, but I don’t touch it, just in case.

  • Eman

    people say love is in every corner…… GOSH!!! i think i might be going in circles

  • babygirl *

    My bf said he was gunna give me the world but i told him in this rate of crimes n this resesion i dont want it lol ….all i asked for was ur heart not a shytty deal lmfaoo now i gotta change my status to single :(

  • Ant

    If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a 4th sense?

  • Hassan Saleem

    Iam The Person Which Your Mother always Told yew Bout !!

  • C-luv

    Hey, be nice. Justin Beiber’s a great role model for young lesbians around the world.

  • Ice_breaker60

    he doent have dirty shoes though…

  • bobelina

    it’s basically like a parody of the old spice men’s stuff commercials

  • Psuman528

    I wanna kill the sexiest person alive, but suicide is a crime

  • Larrilaine

    is more tired than a one legged stripper on a friday night!!!

  • Sandilocks

    Just like the old spice commercial hilarious!!!!!!=D

  • http://www.top20lists.com/2010/06/top-twenty-facebook-funny-postings.html Top20lists

    POKE ME ONE MORE TIME…LOL….that was awesome!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000580436545 Jordan ƁƠƝƘЄƦƧ Mcguire

    That was a good one (:

  • Pinetree

    Well if his shoes arnt dirty you’ve got nothing to worry about!

  • Rosiemckay

    What do u call a girl in bed
    Answer: Laid!

  • amj. Mazinakouskang

    no, there really is a PotFarm man, like for real, im like level 25 man

  • Britt Si21

    he probably deserved it :0

  • Xpivotfoxx

    Whats the difference between Justin Bieber And a Snickers bar? A snIckers bar has nuts.

  • Matsmith1992

    is his shoes dirty lol

  • Taylorsonia

    OMG-I wish it were christmas right now so i could use thata one,Pmsl,x

  • Taylorsonia

    Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone who needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who deserves a punch in the face, except for a punch in the face. But we can still raise awareness!

  • Taylorsonia

    Sometimes life can be one BIG BITCH….Shame ya cant just SLAP it!!!

  • Danrollason83

    thats just typical americans copy everything we do

  • Bazinga

    america i think.

  • Lkcrwdr

    you have to talk about something if you’re gonna make fun of it. I think its hilarious! but whats even funnier is you getting offeneded by it! lol

  • Landrews3721

    HELP someone hacked me facebook and typed this!!!

  • Mohit Sharma2112

    Forget sluts and love boomerangs. They come back!

  • Curtis Cross

    WHOW…

  • Jose

    hahahahahahaha good one XD

  • Charli

    you can shut it my dads in a wheelchair thx

  • Emmel Roman Miñoza

    Practice makes perfect. But then again nobody’s perfect.. so why practice?

  • <3 LOVE IT!!! <3

    Sorry my mom told me not to put small things into my mouth.

  • Biggers

    I like to name my ipod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.

  • Dlpdaniel

    what about this: behind every great man is a great woman… but our wife is always between us!

  • Kelleyschaper

    Just sayin, I feel bad for everyone that had their zodiac sign tattooed on them.

  • Jazzy

    got into a fight with my alarm clock this morning it wanted me to wake up i disagreed now the alarms broken and im wide awake…not sure who won

  • Xxstephxx971

    umm can we not talk about justin bieber.. kay thanks!(;

  • CC

    LOL
    thats so funny

  • Lacie

    There is pot farm now! So you can plant it there.. ahaha.

  • whatchalookinatfreak

    shake for me girl i wanna be ur back door bandit-richard nixon…im like 80% sure it was him and not led zepplen…maybe 65% sure….oh yeh it was led zepplin

  • Chlo0199

    i dont get it

  • naomi annabell

    thiss is bearrr shitt u noee some off demm areee just SHIT …

  • Clementsrl

    Those were funny

  • bytch13

    when i see dumb people, i shake my head and think to myself, if only their mom wouldve swallowed haha

  • kalivicent

    i saw yo sis on da street, then is yo Mam a ………..??

  • kalimba

    No work done u shd go for the lawn care!

  • Tri_edge_25

    I like how you are so anti Justin Bieber and yet you can’t stop talking about him.

  • Vivek

    success is a reflection of hard work..!

  • Morgan

    she does say start..

  • Chacam07

    OMFG there’s a dislike button on this page!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    …amazing…

  • Mohammed_lilyo

    Lmfao dude thats funnny

  • Izzgoezz

    OMG!!! funniest f-ing status EVER!!!!!!

  • anonymous

    Question: what is a prostitute’s mother called?
    Answer: Mother fucker.. :)
    i know its quite silly cuz i made it up

  • Camille

    Yeah. Here it’s called “Where’s Waldo?”.

  • Cjcc4196

    here’s two i came up with randomly.
    “how do you spell gay?”
    “g.a.y?”
    “noooo! j.u.s.t.i.n b.i.e.b.e.r!” (;
    &
    what’s the difference between puberty & a water bottle? a water bottle hit Justin Bieber first! (;

  • Cloudbreakgirl

    whiichh onesss?

  • Zotac

    Unless he’s tryin to insult him self

  • Cheergirl

    Ha i know right! haha that’s funny where did u come up with that?

  • http://twitter.com/dan_man7 Dan McHardy

    I never thought of this one lol!

  • http://twitter.com/dan_man7 Dan McHardy

    Oh my gosh this is confusing… but I like it!

  • http://twitter.com/dan_man7 Dan McHardy

    haha that would be amazing!

  • chumba

    confusing oh im just stupid lol

  • Maidenoffaith

    Love Love Love!

  • Msseptember1957

    Behind every great woman is a man looking at her ass!

  • Solja boii

    i’d rather Cry over cuts & stitches. not sluts & bitches !

  • Dana Goldenberg9

    good1

  • Courtney

    Wouldn’t you rather mean the party dont START till you walk in?

  • xxxpj999

    For just £5 a month, you can buy me a beer and bring joy, a smile, and drunk times to my face. If enough of you do this, you CAN make a difference! Remember, a ‘X’ is for life, not just for Xmas

  • Michaelwright

    Please close your eyes and the chat box too… I wanna take a pee!

  • Tannervandera

    heres a good one… “a bug just landed on my computer screen and my first reaction was on try and scare it away with the curser”

  • XldH

    actuallyyyyyy, it depends on which country your from :]

  • Darcy Bolingbroke

    remebers the day were apple and blackberry were just fuit

  • free games at jackwatling.com

    status: I can’t log into facebook :(

  • Sweetbetty

    i know the world isn’t going 2 end in 2012 cuz my yogurt expires in 2013!

  • KIMMIEWHO

    Wish my husband would give me a break and just call himself an IDIOT

  • Jennifer-lynne

    poke me one more time…..and i’m stealing all ur chips!!!

  • amoulicious

    hahahahahahha!

  • Hooliganzy

    one more “Single doesn’t mean available , not single doesn’t mean not available”

  • Schefer Megan

    Heres couple i liked that i put as mine
    ” sorry Ke$ha the party dont stop till I walk in”
    And
    ” honk if you love Jesus Textwhile driving if you want to meet him”

  • http://www.geekersmagazine.com/ Rohit

    One more for you guys… “Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?”

  • Star_laraib

    Awesome :) So fuunnny :)
    I put some on facebook and got like 30 – 50 likes :D

  • Jay

    Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like

  • woofers

    Ohhh I got one… Roses are redish, Violets are blueish, if it weren’t for Christmas, we would all be Jewish!

  • Ohmacamtuke

    try this :
    Type your name: (eg.) katie
    Type it with your elbow: aptiw
    Type it with your nose: jsyoe
    Type it with your eyes closed: katie
    Put this as your status and don’t erase the mistakes

    :))

  • Mariahthorpe54

    haha

  • Richard Barnard

    is wondering if santas had a C.R.B check………??

  • Kelsey

    i love how justin bieber can hit high notes but not puberty!!!!

  • Annon

    Before you know it, theres gonna be something called YouTwitFace

  • Emmy

    Wow!! Most are funny bt some can’t be used!!!!

  • Brennden Comstock

    i love it when my computer says ” are you sure you want to continue unprotected “

  • Allishakitty

    if barbies so popular why do u have to buy her friends

  • Kimasis4life

    heres one…… NEVER trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.

  • Looloo29

    Sometimes your Knight in shinning armour is just an idiot wrapped in tinfoil

  • SAHL AHMED SHAIKH

    loved it :D

    used all of them :D

    thank btw

    http://www.humortechblog.co.cc

  • Mr. JD

    On facebook but my Chat is offline.

  • Pells1982

    New one… X thought he saw a ninja while driving home today… Turned out to be just a light pole… Or was it?

  • Mcintyresummer

    this helped me sooo much!!! especially the my face you twit, and the wheres waldo book!!!

  • Gr82bjules

    I just made this one up..People make the world go around but at some point don’t you wish it were flat so all the idiots would keep walking and never come back?

  • Anonymous

    •is a member of the jehovah’s witness protection program

  • Anonymous

    I like two of my most recent: 1) Leave the DRAMA at the door or I will push you down the stairs and tell others that you fell! or 2) If FED EX and UPS merged would they be FED UP?

  • Lkakokih

    bitch is your mom

  • Cwfooseball

    your cool?

  • aman

    lolz nyc 1

  • ELINA

    LMFAO!!!! :D AHAHAHAAHAH!

  • Iescott

    that really helped me for a really funny status. thanks alot for all them status’. in future i am soo gonna go on this website. AMAZING

  • CHScheer007

    grow up.

  • Compton_boy_17

    twitters gay

  • Faizurr

    Thank You.

  • Poop

    8===3 suck it

  • Kearstyn

    So I was a little tipsy last night… I DIDN’T MEAN TO CHEAT ON YOU!

  • dylan

    how do i get my pills in the cabnet if the gummy bears and animal crackers are at war

  • dylan

    sorry i was a little drunk at your party last night i hit my head………in your sister

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